NIGHT FILM MARATHON - THE NIGHT OF THE BEST MOVIES OF 2012

SKYFALL

Watchable. Finally a Bond with a plot. I loved the special effects like the hotel wall in Shanghai or the Tube train disaster in London. The ending looks like dedicated to pyromaniacs though, which I'm not.

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES

Watchable. Very slow and lenghthy - only the Catwoman enlivens it.

INTOUCHABLES

Watchable for the second time. I loved it the first time round and still enjoyed a repetition of this feel-good movie.

JESTES BOGIEM (YOU ARE GOD)

Watchable. I'm really not into hip-hop. The only thing that kept me watching was morbid curiosity of what the lowlives would become.

THE NIGHT OF CINEMA

A perfectly organized film event on state-of-the-art Multikino screens. I picked the following 3 movies:

WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU'RE EXPECTING

Watchable. Star-studded light entertainment but not laugh-out-loud funny.

WEEKEND

Watchable. People were leaving in droves. Am I the only one who finds man on man action hot? (It included hottie Chris New.) If you ignore the constant  gay coming out chatter, what stays is a beautiful film about beginnings of love.

PROMETHEUS 3D

Recommended. Space opera like from my childhood. Quite good 3D which made it so convincing that when Charlie's eyes turned red mine started watering and from the moment Shaw had a cesarean, I was gripped in tommy pain till I went to sleep in my own bed. Old good Giger's scenography and plenty of references to other films (fast-developing foetus like in "Twilight", "Alien" born, artificial intelligence taking over control of the starship like in "Space Odyssey" etc.). I loved the beginning as I recognised one of my fave holiday spots.

Why do guys always first chat me up and then suddenly disappear after a couple of minutes? Even at the cinema...

LAWLESS

Watchable. The accent was so harsh that for the first quarter I had to read subtitles but it quickly became music to my ears as I took to the characters when the gripping story based on facts developed. It's so brutal you can nearly smell the blood off the screen. But it maintains plenty of charm of its own and leads to a hilarious ending which I'm not going to spoil.

NIGHT FILM MARATHON: THE TWILIGHT SAGA
TWILIGHT
NEW MOON
ECLIPSE
BREAKING DAWN PART I
BREAKING DAWN PART II

Watchable. Having seen the first movie at least 5 times, the 2nd and the 3rd once and having read all the books (the 4th volume being my fave) I asked the Enemef organizers for a "Twilight" marathon and here it came. It's a perfect series for a night film marathon - just look at the titles. And you can feel like a vampire who never sleeps. It's also very convenient with sequels as you remember all previous parts easily. On the whole all 5 movies made me laugh (my all-time fave being "I kissed Bella. And she broke her arm. When she punched me in the face.") and cry in turns. The 2nd movie had the lousiest CGIs and music, other than that both got better and better with every installment. In retrospect it was all cheesy yet entertaining.

CONCERT OF FILM MUSIC - JOHN WILLIAMS

While everyone knows music from his films, the most fascinating for me was the fact that his music was immediately recognisable yet distinct in every film. It seems that he's been re-working the same motif for 40 years! It was fun to have one's way on the concourse blocked by an R2D2. Less impressive was the presentation of the Star Wars characters during the concert - the extras didn't march and didn't even stand straight which detracted from the troopers effect.

Still, what was the most appalling was that the Sala Kongresowa in Warsaw wasn't accessible. I've never used a wheelchair but it's clear to me that the adjustments were carried out without any consultation with the disabled (who, obviously, didn't attend the concert) whatsoever. The outside access ramp was cobbled, curved and narrow. The little one inside was ridiculously steep - how can anyone drive up such a slope? Even if you roll down it, you'll have to break very hard so as not to crash against the wall in front. There's also no lift to the first floor and the stairs look like Mount Everest. I wonder if all that would be legal in the UK.

EK THA TIGER

Recommended. A spy movie with proper doses of everything: action, humour, suspense and something to cry after. And great Bollywood music and dancing of course.

JOKER

Watchable. A genuinely funny comedy Bollywood style where even an alien has learnt to dance. Maybe a bit too PC but who cares when it's so much fun.

THE NIGHT OF CINEMA

DRIVE

Watchable. A beautifully shot, acted through Ryan Gosling's facial expressions standard slow-paced gangster fare served with great music and sound effects.

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT KEVIN

Watchable. Kevin is a textbook psycho which would be fascinating to watch if only it wasn't so protracted.

THIS MUST BE THE PLACE

Walked out. Inner thougts of a depressed tarnished celebrity were supposed to be funny in the very least.

THE IRON LADY

Recommended. A rich, multi-layer biography of an extraordinarily strong woman which puts you right inside her mind and leaves the judgement to yourself. Acted by equally extraordinary Meryl Streep.

ZIDANE, UN PORTRAIT DU 21E SIECLE (ZIDANE: A 21ST CENTURY PORTRAIT)

Walked out. For me football can be fascinating but only when you support one of the teams and watch it live. A foreign match in retrospect with a player's not-too-deep thoughts displayed on the screen didn't raise my adrenaline levels.

NIGHT FILM MARATHON - THE CINEMA OF FEAR

THE AWAKENING
THE CABIN IN THE WOODS
HELL
THE GREY

Watchable. I'll talk about all 4 jointly as there's little difference between them. The characters are chased by: ghosts and the living/zombies and other mythological creatures/canibals/wolves and you keep watching out of morbid curiosity who'll survive and who won't.

There was a hilarious line in "The Awakening" about the woman who throughout the film was praised for being educated (in 1919): "There was something strange about her anyway. I've read a study recently - apparently a woman's mind can't cope with further education."

PROJECT NIM

Recommended. A harrowing account of unspeakable human cruelty to animals which I found just physically painful to bear. A must-see for all humans. How come I was the only person in the audience crying (from scene one)? What's wrong with our kind?

AVENGERS

Watchable. My favourite Iron Man enlivens the otherwise non-inspiring story with his sharp remarks. If you survive to the final hour of the 155-minute long movie, you'll be rewarded with a battle full of truly 3D CGIs.

MEN IN BLACK 3 IN 3D AT IMAX

Recommended. Mind-blowing 3D effects from the very first scene where you immediately find yourself in an overwhelmingly long high corridor include a vertiginous jump off a skyscraper and several, several others. Packed with hilarious lines, e.g. after a turbulent time trip Agent J enters a bar and finds Agent K. Agent K remarks: "You're late" to which Agent J responds: "I've lost the track of time." Unusually for the series though, this time it's not purely a series of gags. There are serious subtones to the story and part of the film is so moving that I cried. Definitely the best of all 3 parts. I'm going to see it again.

NIGHT FILM MARATHON - CINEMA OF CONOISSEURS

HODEJEGERNE (HEADHUNTERS)

Watchable. A bit too morbid, especially the dog carcass being carried on the front of the tractor, but the criminal intrigue is perfect, a beautifully entagled loop.

INTOUCHABLES

Recommended. Lots of situation humour, e.g. the carer tells a teenage girl's ex-boyfriend to apologise and bring her croissants every day and the boy asks: "Butter ones or ordinary?", intertwined with such astonishing sadness of pragmatism. A very clever film worthy of an Oscar.

LEK WYSOKOSCI (FEAR OF FALLING)

Walked out. Kind-of - I stayed in the screen but dozed off determined not to drink coffee for the sake of a film so slow and full of disconnected visions that if I hadn't waited for the next one I would have gone home to sleep in my own bed.

SHAME

Watchable. A bit like "American Psycho" but with more sex and only self-inflicted violence, just reversed proportions of the same.

DARK SHADOWS

Watchable. While I'm normally a great fan of spoofs and this movie cleverly mocks my beloved "Twilight" as well as "Death Becomes Her" and several separate scenes re-enacted by American cinema over and over again none of the lines or gags is funny. What's more I was upset with how unfair it was to present the clever, proactive, beautiful, sexy witch in love as a villain. She was the only perfect match for the immortal. And he spurned her to chase a characterless virgin and at the same to let a third one suck on his dick. The slutty vampire was clearly unworthy of the witch's undying love.

NIGHT WITH ORANGE

A perfectly well organized marathon where you could pick your own 3 movies (or 4 if you walked out just like me). I decided to see:

W CIEMNOSCI (IN DARKNESS)

Watchable. Too lengthy to be eligible for an Oscar but with an interesting plot. Unexpectedly lots of sex scenes and other nudity. Would be more realistic if the people were slimmer though.

ELLES

Watchable. Another film which turned out to involve lots of sex scenes yet here justified by the subject. Interesting stories and life observations but somehow without an ending which the dream scene failed to replace.

LISTY DO M. (LETTERS TO SANTA)

Walked out. Seems like a few separate stories all of which are silly and none is funny.

CARNAGE

Walked out. Witnessing a quarrel is rarely fun and vomiting Kate Winslet put me off the movie completely.

JEWISH MOTIFS FESTIVAL

PARTLY PRIVATE

Recommended. A Michael Moore style documentary following the maker's own decision-making process regarding whether to circumcise her sons brings the subject home even to a non-Jew. Did you know that nearly all Americans are circumcised and the veiled reason behind this trend having been created is that foreskin cells are used in anti-ageing creams? The film is revealing, thoroughly researched, culturally enlightening, watches like a good feature, mixes humour with thought-out reflections and leaves no stone unturned.

SCHLIMAZELTOV!

Watchable. A short movie which looks like a prelude to a full-length research into whether we create our own luck or whether it's pre-determined. An interesting multi-level topic which should be continued.

AUTOMATION and AUDITION

Walked out. Or at least would have - I only stayed because the films were short but at some point I just drifted away. Overdone animation and no plot or if there was one the film(s) failed to get the message accross.

THE DEBT

Recommended. A full of tension drama about Mossad agents hunting down a Nazi criminal who's playing his own game. "The Birkenau surgeon" is a model psychopath manipulating everyone around and taking advantage of any foible he notices in others.

NIGHT FILM MARATHON: EUROPEAN HORRORS

REC 3: GENESIS

Watchable. Full of humour, e.g. when running away from zombies: "I can't get through the door because of  this Johnny the Sponge costume." "So why don't you take it off?" "Because I've got nothing underneath." or "I wasn't going to come to your wedding but we hadn't seen each other for so long." "I only invited you ouf of courtesy. I didn't think you'd come." "I found a cheap ticket on the internet." It also enlivens the genre with a religious motive. Other than that it's just a bunch of people chased by a crowd of zombies.

LOS OJOS DE JULIA (JULIA'S EYES)

Watchable. Full of suspense and good twists of action ruined by a run-of-the-mill slasher ending.

THE WOMAN IN BLACK

Recommended. Reminiscent of "Insidious" and just as scary.

TROLLHUNTER

Watchable. I'm not really into mockumentaries but the troll superstitions gave it a rarely seen folklore feel.

TITANIC 3D AT IMAX

Watchable. As usual with the movie, I couldn't wait for the ship to sink and I still believe it should do away with the contemporary story. I was mostly happy to hear the original English dialogues, which were really fun, while my biggest complaint is that it was flat, even at Imax it rarely had the 3rd dimension.

THE DEVIL INSIDE

Watchable. Better than "Paranormal Activity" but nowhere near "The Rite". It feels like doing pilates: tense-relase-tense-release.... Sadly, there's nothing more scary than a benign dog barking jumping on a fence when the exorcists walk down a street. The "Stay Alive" director had better stick to atmospheric fiction rather than risk another mockumentary in the future.

When I tried to take a bus home, the driver would drive away half a meter unsteadily whenever I tried to open the door. Eventually I failed to get on and had to wait for another 20 minutes for a night one. And then I realised he may had been under influence. And that was scary.

AVATAR: SPECIAL EDITION (2010)

Recommended. For "Avatar" fans it's like a whole new movie with the plot substantially changed and more views of Pandoran nature. It's an internalized memoir of the marine rather than a purely action movie this time round, yet still in line with the witty/moving/mesmerising original. Just a more thorough version of the same greatness.

THE HUNGER GAMES

Recommended. Worth seeing at least, although not only, for the sake of futuristic fashion - the costumes, the make-ups and other visual aspects of the future are mind-blowingly ingenious. The special effects make e.g. a dress on fire look downright realistic. The plot provides enough twists to keep you on the edge your seat.

SHERLOCK HOLMES: A GAME OF SHADOWS

Walked out. Traditional Sherlock movies required intelligence, watching a drug-fuelled Sherly's fights requires a lack of it.

BIR ZAMANLAR ANADOLU'DA

Watchable. Not much of a story which is why these 210 minutes felt particularly lengthy but at the same time its slow pace and vivid characters made their world strangely alluring.

NIGHT FILM MARATHON: OSCARS 2012

Several movies nominated this year hark back to times past and so did the four films with the highest number of nominations which were presented at the film marathon two nights before the Academy Awards Gala. As I had already seen "At Midnight In Paris" and hadn't found it Oscar-worthy, I skipped the film leaving myself more energy to stay up throughout the remaining three:

THE ARTIST

Recommended. Sometimes funny, often sad, all the time deeply emotional and humane, technologically impeccable and masterfully enacted by contemporary actors deserves all the Oscars it subsequently received.

MY WEEK WITH MARILYN

Watchable. Emotional and fantastically performed as well which doesn't defend the silly story. I spent most of the running time thinking whether Marilyn was really such a lost soul or truly a manipulative bitch or if all of it was just another man's wet dream.

TINKER, TAILOR, SOLDIER, SPY

Watchable. The title seems to refer to the cult "Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels" - another movie the British are proud of and no other nation remembers. I watched out of curiosity of internal workings of MI6 and was bitterly disappointed to find out that spies' job not only are difficult and dangerous but unspeakably boring as well. The film lasted 2 hours, 1.5 hours of which too long.

MAN ON A LEDGE

Recommended. This man on a ledge will keep you on the edge of your seat! A work of genius. Apart from its perfect structure reminiscent of "The Inside Man" it makes fun of sociological observations and has hilarious lines e.g. "Some people can't handle a 25-year sentence. Have you ever thought about hurting yourself?" "No." - the psychologist gladly puts it down - "Hurting - no. But killing myself - every goddam day."

GIUSEPPE W WARSZAWIE (GIUSEPPE IN WARSAW)

Watchable. The story doesn't make much sense but it has funny linguistic/cultural clash moments like "spierdalamento" or Polish attempts at eating spaghetti.

WATCH DOCS FESTIVAL 2011

BLOOD IN THE MOBILE

Watchable. One of several, recently, films highlighting the hypocrisy of gain-focused corporations. Nokia, just like any other mobile manufacturer, turns a blind eye to children slaving away in Congolese mineral mines and warlords exploiting their labour to fund wars waged for decades. Not that anyone cares. As soon as the lights went on, a girl sitting next to me, reached for her mobile.

I, on my humble part, solemnly pledge not to buy mobiles more often than absolutely necessary. As long as my old one keeps working...

VOL SPECIAL (SPECIAL FLIGHT)

Watchable. Another film confirming the all-known truth that the world is divided into the privileged and the deprived. Where you're born determines your fate as the rich will always protect themselves from an influx of the poor in order to maintain their standard of living. The film is very moving, I was sobbing throughout, still it offers no solution.

PROSECUTOR

Watchable. How to combat crime and prevent it at the same time? A film showing how the circle of violence keeps rolling and highlighting human inability to put an end to it.

ALL WHITE IN BARKING

Watchable. A mildly amusing story of overcoming predjudices, yet with serious undertones - our race is being conquered.

COMPRAR, TIRAR, COMPRAR (LIGHT BULB CONSPIRACY)

Recommended. What some people know and many suspect is that modern devices have in-built faults shortening their lifespan the same way nylon thights have been made so prone to damage you're forced to keep buying new. What hardly anyone realises is that in the US there's a 100-year-old lightbulb shown 24/7 online which has outlived 3 cameras already and that in their beginnings nylon thights were advertised as strong enough to tow a car. At the same time the third world is becoming the planet's dumpster.

One more movie convincing me to stick to old stuff. No need to replace something as long as it works. You don't need a new mobile phone every 3 months, do you?

HONK!

Recommended. Death penalty is a perennial for documentarists. This film goes remarkably deep showing, among others, a wrongly accused man released from the death row, a family who's witnessed an execution, a preacher comparing the capital punishment to sending soldiers to the frontline. The ex-convict mentions an inmate who, refusing to get killed, overdosed drugs, was taken to hospital, got detox saving his life only in order to become forcefully executed a few hours later. Certainly some food for thought.

THE WAR GAME

Recommended. A based-in-science mockumentary about a nuclear attack on Britain. Clearly overlooked in 1960s.

CRIME AFTER CRIME

Watchable. If you thought it's easy for a murderer to get released from prison, this one's for you. A sex slavery victim kills her oppressor and ends up in the merciless penitentiary system. The film lacks a bite which would render the subject better.

ZAI YI QI (TOGETHER)

Watchable. About the stigma attached to the ill with AIDS. Shot in China, could be anywhere. Too philosophic for my taste, yet asking some unusual questions like: would you still love someone who has infected you?

AU BORD DU FLEUVE, A LA FRONTIERE SINO-COREENNE (RETURN TO THE BORDER)

Watchable. Nothing much is happening on the border. The best part of the movie is the final trip through North Korea: no cars, all people carrying some heavy packs, monumental architecture which may one day become a tourist attraction, provided the regime falls.

THE CARRIER

Watchable. The hypocrisy of male chauvinists can be truly astounding. In my opinion the film is too slow-paced which diminishes its impact.

WOMEN ARE HEROES

Watchable. An interesting artistic idea, especially the one with a train changing faces on the posters, comes combined with life stories of some incredible, strong women. An uplifting film which won't change anything long-term but may give some temporary strength to the underdog of the world - women.

BURZYNSKI. CANCER IS GREAT BUSINESS

Recommended again. It watches like a thriller.

Thankfully, as I learnt in the meeting with Dr. Burzynski, most of the presented problems are a thing of the past. Now, not only have survival rates increased, in case of some cancers, to 50 or 60%, the biggest challenge seems to be getting the life-saving medication registered in Poland. Good news is that the prerequisite genome tests are going to be getting cheaper and cheaper (now being at 5000 euros). Dr. Burzynski himself struck me as a perpetual optimist - surely that's how he's survived several decades of struggle against all sorts of authorities in both countries.

Since the time I saw this movie I've been having an impression that what's happening in the AIDS business is similar to cashing on cancer. If it's possible to keep the retrovirus in check by means of daily doses of medication taken till the end of one's life it must be possible to destroy it altogether just as well but for pharmaceutical companies it would mean a drastic drop in profits.

MANGROVE

Watchable. A slow-paced film made to help you unwind. Other than that, nothing new in the storyline or the visual form.

On the whole all the festival documentaries have made me appreciate everyday things we take for granted: a roof over my head, pure drinkable water, family, friends, freedom. I'm feeling so much better now that I know how privileged I am living in Poland.

HUMAN DOC FESTIVAL cont.:

THERE ONCE WAS AN ISLAND

Walked out. So bland I can barely remember what it was about.

SUN COME UP

Watchable. A moving story of inhabitants of a sinking island looking for a new home. Still, it's no more memorable than your own looking for a new place would be. I've done it 27 times myself so it doesn't excite me any more.

HUNGER IN A WORLD OF PLENTY

Watchable. So much economic information will satisfy anyone's curiosity. However, it's no more exciting than an average uni lecture.

THE POSTCARD FROM JAPAN

Recommended. Have you heard of employees so devoted that they will go to work even with a heart attack?

BELARUSSIAN WALTZ

Watchable. While it promises to reveal the soul of Belarussian people, it tells you more about the protagonist's sex exploits than about the country.

HUMAN DOC FESTIVAL:

FOLLOWING KETTLY

Watchable. I'm not a great supporter of artistic projects but it was nice to see the guys dance - talented they truly are.

MOBILE CINEMA

Watchable. The makers' earlier movie about rape was more interesting. There's nothing new in this one, at least not for an africanist.

AFTER THE APOCALYPSE

Watchable. It's just shocking to become enlightened by an Englishman that between 1949 and 1991 456 nuclear bombs were tested in the Semipalatinsk region of Kazakhstan and the USSR authorities didn't evacuate the inhabitants as they wanted to see the radiation effects on humans in preparation for a possible nuclear war. What detracts from the film is the doctor droning on and on about eugenics. Not that the subject wasnt' interesting. His viewpoint was the essence of the movie but due to his manner of speech - slow and repetitive - felt like preaching.

What I found surprising and comforting at the same time was how little effect such radiation actual had on humans. Man will survive anything.

WELCOME TO NORWAY

Watchable. A touching story showing how racism hinders refugees' integration. Still, nothing new, it was exactly what I had expected.

ROSLING'S WORLD

Watchable. A funny film telling you that the Swedish Academy's professors' knowledge of the world is on the par with chimpanzees'. But the scenes of the scientist preparing for lectures should be limited to his jokes. The rest is dispensible.

BURZYNSKI. CANCER IS SERIOUS BUSINESS

Recommended. I've known for years that neither chemiotherapy nor radiation cure cancer, yet the ostentatious way drug companies force those treatments for purely financial gain goes beyond my worst fears and suspicions. And as if deliberate killing of patients wasn't enough, the FDA, the National Cancer Institute and the Patent Office prove to be corrupt beyond belief. An eye-opening courtroom drama with a grain of hope - antineoplastons are out there after all.

LAST SUPPER FOR MALTHUS

Watchable. A revision of vital data on world trade and agricultural methods but nothing new for an educated viewer.

MAMMA LIMA

Watchable. Uplifting missionary propaganda but why don't they do such work here in Poland instead? The protagonists also don't say anything other than expected.

ON THE EQUATOR

Watchable. Not many facts about circumcision, the word itself is mispronounced by the woman reporter. The major value of the film lies in a question asked: "Circumcision helps control women. But why do you have to control them?"

SLUMGIRL$

Watchable. Again, having been to Sub-Saharan Africa, I know that prostitution there is a norm and not seen as a social pathology but the film may be as enlightening to others as the news was to me years ago in Ghana.

ONE-WAY ROUND TRIP

Watchable. Another uplifting movie about how your success in life often depends on the kindness of strangers and about the thin line between becoming a criminal or succeeding. Unfortunately it's a typical French doc in which nothing much happens over 90 minutes. Why do the French always insist on showing everything minute by minute?

TICKET TO PARADISE

Watchable. An enlightening film about how popular working in sex business is among Thai women and how they don't care whether their husband is old or ugly as long as he provides for her. It's sad how they prey on lonely foreigners but not as revelatory as to blow me away as a film.

THE CASTLE

Watchable. The first behind-the-scenes look at Malpensa Airport. It was interesting to see the security guys at work but the rest didn't involve much action.

JODAEIYE NADER AZ SIMIN (A SEPARATION)

Watchable. It's advertised as a thriller ending with a twist. In reality it's an involving drama with an open ending.

CONTAGION

Watchable. Finally a movie about a disease after which people don't turn into vampires or zombies. The story is thorougly realistic and involving but less inspiring than the trailer would imply. Bags with dead bodies are shown only in one scene. It's a drama, not a thriller and that's what disappointed me. Marion Cotillard is a plus though.

LA PIEL QUE HABITO (THE SKIN I LIVE IN)

Recommended. A medical thriller by Almodovar sounds weird enough, still it comprises the best of both genres (Almodovar being in a league of his own), the storyline is clear-cut, gripping, ground-breaking and strangely outrageous without being disturbing. Certainly memorable and unique.

BITWA WARSZAWSKA 1920 3D (BATTLE OF WARSAW 1920 IN 3D)

Watchable. Truly 3D - you see dead men's limbs dangling right in front of you, presenting the history of Eastern Europe comprehensibly even to a foreigner, lively and surprisingly humorous (e.g. "I demand satisfaction! A uniform of a Polish soldier has been stained." "Waiter! Was it pure vodka? Pure vodka staines neither an honour nor a uniform.") What detracts from it is scenography looking fake for the first hour of the movie.

MIDNIGHT IN PARIS

Watchable. While it's not too funny and I hoped to be in stitches at Woody Allen's comedy, other aspects of the movie don't disappoint. Most remarkably Owen Wilson's Alenesque manner of speech blew me away. As I'm a great fan of time travel both in film and in literature, I enjoyed that part of the plot. And typical for Allen statements like: "The present is always unsatisfying" and hence making people dream of the Golden Age are worth thinking over.

CRAZY STUPID LOVE

Watchable. A feelgood movie for anyone after a breakup. Some funny lines (e.g. parents of a naughty kid: "Thanks God we switched babies in hospital") But whoever casts Julianne Moore in comedies?! She's such a bore.

INSIDIOUS

Recommended. Scary like hell! It cleverly mixes the horror styles of "Saw", "Paranormal Activity" and "The Exorcist" with a never-seen-before storyline.

Well, good my own out-of-body experiences never went too far.

The movie also sheds sinister light on my recent nightmare dream in which some people tried to get into my flat and I was pressing hard on the door while their hands were reaching out to me. Did I "see dead people"?

HORRIBLE BOSSES

Watchable. It has some funny bits (e.g. "It's a line from a movie." -"No, it wasn't in any movie." - "Now it is.") but the whole thing is mostly "Hangover"-type.

FINAL DESTINATION 5 3D

Recommended. As entertaining as ever. Reasonably 3D. The final twist is a great joke.

I loved a line from the trailer of Woody Allen's latest movie: "The detective's missing. I called the detective agency and they don't know where he is."

DO WIDZENIA, DO JUTRA

Watchable. The digitally remastered 1960 Polish movie visually is satisfactory. Still, the plot is far-fetched and the hero too poetic to be truly romantic.

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS: PART 2 (3D)

Watchable. The final film is tear-jerking, true to the book, very dark. Unfortunately it's flat, well, OK, it has some depth but doesn't come forward to the viewer. Feels very theatrical as well.

RIEN A DECLARER

Watchable. I loved "Bienvenue chez les Ch'tis" and its makers' latest is hilarious as well, the same kind of humour however tasted like a reheated meal.

LARRY CROWNE

Watchable. A feelgood movie for teachers, possibly for students and for no one else.

HANGOVER PART II

Watchable. While it's still far from hilarious, it's less vulgar than the first instalment, is equally crazy, has good, well-selected music matching the action and, last but not least, throws in the scenic landscapes of Thailand. It deserves extra credit for a cover of my long-time- favourite "One Night In Bangkok".

THE NIGHT OF CINEMA

Another film marathon. I picked the following three movies:

INCENDIES

Watchable. The first half an hour made me understand why it didn't get an Oscar, the rest made me aware why it was nominated. It started so slow I considered walking out. But then I quickly warmed up to the character of the Palestinian woman. Her opposition to cultural values and strength of character felt like she was a close friend. Her severely troubled fate and the investigative thread of the plot are hard to forget.

LET ME IN

Watchable only to compare with the Swedish original. What was mysterious in the European version, in the American got stupefied to the point of transforming the horror into a comedy.

DUE DATE

Watchable. The humour is gross ("What's that sound?" "It's just me masturbating." is typical) and the gags as outrageous as in "Hangover" (they even hired one of the cast). But it's fast-paced and its level doesn't bother you much at the end of a night when your brain isn't up for much thinking anyway.

KVINDEN DER DROEMTE OM EN MAND

Watchable. An unfaithfulness case study which is involving, well-paced and toned down. Its only fault is predictability. The woman inevitably falls in love, the man doesn't. What I really liked was the language plausability - you here authentic Dutch, English and Polish where appropriate

X-MEN: FIRST CLASS

Watchable. For true fans only. Of course I was curious of the genesis of the characters and Magneto's story turned out particularly plausible. But, with little interest in history, the Cold War struggle was utterly boring for me and the 140 minutes proved to be lengthy rather than packed with action and fun. In addition James McAvoy was fat.

KYNODONTAS (DOGTOOTH)

Watchable. While the film shows how limited cognition leads to perverting character it's not anywhere near as shocking as "Enter The Void" was. While the story captivates, the editing is quite austere and monotonous, practically dogma style.

3D NIGHT

or where my love of visual effects brought me.

TRON

Saw the beginning again. The only remarkable scene was the opening one. I felt like on a rollercoaster ride. Then I left.

ALICE IN WONDERLAND

Walked out as soon as I realized it was dubbed. A 3D night was supposed to be for adults after all.

FINAL DESTINATION 4

Recommended again. Fascinating action with great twists in a movie showcasing what 3D has been invented for.

CLASH OF THE TITANS

Watchable. Sam Worthington was difficult to take eyes off. All the rest was quite run-of-the-mill. The colours could vary more.

SANCTUM

Only managed to see the ending - completely flat.

CAVE OF FORGOTTEN DREAMS

Walked out. A boring film inspired by French dokumentary making - showing every minute of the expedition, as if it made it more philosophical.

STEP UP

Watchable second time round. Cheerful and makes you feel like dancing. It really does.

ANIMATIONS

Mostly promoting the Euro 2012 and merits of Polish regions, with an emphasis on extreme sports, very artistic, I'd personally prefer something more realistic.

COMMERCIALS

Better of worse. Some would just show a flat picture pointing in your direction. Still, Australian ads looked reasonably good and I loved the property one - your eyes get a chance to walk through houses.

TRAILERS

"1920 - The Battle of Warsaw" was fully 3D - puts you right in the middle of the battlefield. "Final Destination 5" looked mediocre - I'm afraid the storyline may be over the top, the cliffhanging moments on a collapsed bridge seemed farfetched.

Can't wait to attend the Classic Night of the Cinema in 3 weeks.

THOR 3D AT IMAX

Watchable. If a 3D film is flatish even at IMAX it puts the whole idea under a question mark. What saves the movie are spectacular visual effects full of colour and an imaginative creation of the Kingdom of Asgard. The plot is stereotypical but involving and fun. A sequel ("The Avengers") is coming and I'm going to see it.

Btw, have you noticed that Natalie Portman is becoming more and more similar to Demi Moore - in appearance and roles enacted?

PRIEST 3D

Watchable. As usual recently, the "3D" movie is flat, no need to pick up the 3D glasses on entry at all. Visually - it has a dark hue throughout, presumably imitating the comic book it's based on. The plot is stereotypical but fun - there's certainly more of it than the trailer indicates. I liked the train idea.

SOURCE CODE

Watchable. The SF bits were fantastic - old good hardcore science fiction with a soldier hero, the timeless question of what makes us human and a space travel motif. The story itself is recounted carefully - scraps of information are being dripped to the viewer at the same time as to the protagonist with whose eyes we follow the developments. The story stays clear and comprehensible throughout and yet there are a few surprises along the way. While the plot is centred around explosions, we're spared watching them any more than necessary, in fact an average action movie has more, whether it makes sense or not. What detracts from the enjoyment is the cheesiness of the realistic layer, especially the romantic bit.

I felt a bit weird afterwards - the same route home by the same mode of transport as a couple of months ago which made it "the same but a little different" and there was a white van parked outside my place...

SCREAM 4

Watchable. The makers of the fourth instalment do their best to send up slasher movie sequels and the eponymous celebrity victim webcasting murders makes fun of how you become famous nowadays and how no one reads books any more. I couldn't guess the killers' identities till the end and the red herring was misleading indeed. Still, the subject is treated so lightly that the whole story washes off quickly. It lacks the thrill, the creepiness and the physical attractiveness of the characters of the original "Scream". Of course most sequels are doomed by definition.

JUST GO WITH IT

Watchable. The silly and far-fetched story, interspersed with Adam Sandler droning on and on about his relationship problems, is fast-paced and provides good situation humour every now and then.

INCEPTION

Seen again. The Oscar-awarded visual effects are few and far between. The characteristic music in the whole movie sounds too repetitive. The plot is much easier to grasp the second time round though.

BLACK SWAN

Recommended again. Brilliant editing, script, acting (especially by underrated Mila Kunis). Left me shaken again.

THE KING'S SPEECH

Watchable. A disappointing, superficial film telling you that it's hard to stand the pressure of belonging to the royal family and that it can make you stammer. The speeches are just as lengthy and boring as irl. Good acting prevents viewers from falling asleep.

FIGHTER

Walked out. For boxing enthusiasts only. Made in a way that should appeal to the working class.

LIMITLESS

Recommended. I didn't expect I'd enjoy it so much but it was exactly the kind of movie I like: good twists of action, witty lines (e.g. "What have we got here? A dodgy guy I haven't seen in years is offering me a potentially dangerous untested drug... Yes, I want it."), fast-paced editing, an inventive story, references to other films (e.g. "Don't wear the same suits - it's not Matrix" or "If I worked for you, it would make you my bitch"). First-class entertainment.

THE RITE

Recommended. The movie's powerful, it thrusts you into the seat. I'm still recovering.

POTICHE

Watchable. Boring to the point where I considered walking out but with some really good laughs here and there. No funny lines, just situation humour so if you endure the movie you get rewarded occasionally.

SUCKER PUNCH

Watchable. "Mortal Kombat" for naughty girls.

JEZ JERZY

Watchable. Marvellous satire on celebrities (a hedgehog becomes a star because he farts on youtube), politicians, PR, criminal underworld, skinheads, catholics. Good animation and well-matched music. Sharp humour, eg. "Jak cos pojdzie nie tak, to leb upierdole przy samej dupie!" ("If anything goes wrong, I'll fuck off your head right at your ass!" or the promising politician: "that what did I promise? did you record it?!" Only some scenes felt lengthy.

YOU WILL MEET A TALL DARK STRANGER

Watchable. Nothing new whatsoever but easy to watch and entertaining. Takes your mind off things.

SALA SAMOBOJCOW (SUICIDE ROOM)

Watchable. Whatever the trailer might suggest the film's not as much about cyberbullying as it is about communication failures on several levels. What "Babel" claimed to tackle "Sala samobojcow" really does. Jakub Gierszal as Dominik did one hell of acting and there are some funny lines, e.g. "Ilu psychiatrow potrzeba do wkrecenia zarowki? Jeden, ale zajmie to duzo czasu, bedzie duzo kosztowac i zarowka musi tego bardzo chciec." ("How many shrinks are needed to change a lightbulb? Just one but it will take plenty of time, plenty of money and the bulb has to really want it.") but altogether the movie fails to get its message across. Communication failure?

SKYLINE and I AM NUMBER FOUR

Watchable. Both are class B movies with perfectly standard visual effects and predictable plots more enjoyable for kids than a grown-up. "I Am Number Four" was made by the guy responsible for "Transformers" - I should have listened.

THE ACADEMY AWARDS 2011 CEREMONY

The beginning was so much fun - mostly "Inception"-based but with my all-time-fave "Back To The Future" included in the movie compilation.

Anne Hathaway, who has recently taken her gear off in "Love And Other Drugs", joked: "I'm not nominated this year. It's how it worked - you get naked, you get nominated. Not any more, not any more."

I've never liked "Toy Story" so not happy about its victory in an animated category.

Shame "Inception" didn't win Best Original Score, well at least Sound and Sound Editing - well deserved of course.

Brilliant - Cate Blanchett watching a scene from soon-to-win Best Make-Up "Wolfman": "It's gross." It had no competitors anyway. Well-deserved Costumes award for "Alice In Wonderland" as well as for Set Decoration before.

Jake Gyllenhaal has dark eyes so must have worn contacts in "Love And Other Drugs".

Billy Crystal was and is so much better a host than Anne Hathaway and what-is-his-name.

"Inception" had no competitors to speak of for Visual Effects. No Oscar for "Black Swan" for Film Editing?!

Jennifer Hudson with a lisp as a presenter?!

No Oscar for Darren Aronofsky?! Well, at least one for Natalie Portman. But can't they see he directs actresses into their best?

So after all Colin Firth didn't stutter accepting his reward. Still, he acted out the acceptance part masterfully.

THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT

Watchable. It's not about lesbians, it's about family. And what makes or breaks it has nothing to do with gender. Consequently the film is an ordinary family movie, nothing Oscar-worthy in it. Or are they going to start awarding people for their sexual orientation?

127 HOURS

Watchable. While a based-on-facts movie about a hiker trapped literally between a rock and a hard place was irresistable to my backpacking soul, the movie lacked a nerve. The struggling protagonist deserves better than Danny Boyle, Darren Aronofsky for one.

LOVE AND OTHER DRUGS

Watchable. The story is sad, totally implausible and overloaded with commercialism. Ever-hot blue-eyed Jake Gyllenhaal makes it quite palatable though.

AN EDUCATION

Watchable second time round. Of course when you remember the plot nothing can surprise you but I still enjoyed the faux-posh English accent and the education versus ignoration clash.

WOJNA ZENSKO-MESKA (FEMALE-MALE WAR)

Recommended. It's Polish so I doubt it will ever be shown abroad. Still it is the best sex com since "Sexmission". A laugh-out-loud funny satire on relations between men and women, job market ("Education?" "University degree" "So how am I to know you can do cleaning?"), corporate culture, fashion, agism (make-up artists about a 41-year-old presenter: "Next they're going to make us mummify bodies"), mass media and politics. Visually - Warsaw has never looked so glossy while the protagonist's ponderings stylistically remind "Grindhouse", just without blood and violence. Music's great too. A feast to the eye and the ear.

REMEMBER ME

Walked out. You don't need to go to the cinema to see Robert Pattinson getting wasted -he's all over tabloids already. And the plot with a pretty girl making love to the alcoholic is hardly plausible. So, having made sure my companion was as bored as I was, I walked out. We weren't the first to leave either.

The Valentine Movie Marathon didn't sell well. Not enough couples in a central location on a Friday night. Weird.

ENTER THE VOID

Watchable. Assault on your senses right from the start. Not from the first scene. From the opening credits. Crosses boundaries of cinematic showability breaking quite a few taboos. On the whole it's a well-composed psychedelic trip through the Tokyo dumpster with naturalistic scenes of an abortion, porn-style sex, children splattered with blood of their killed parents, flushing down someone's ashes etc. Lengthy at times but rewarding with some powerful shocks. One startling scene gets repeated three times!

BLACK SWAN

Recommended. Natalie Portman is a surefire Oscar winner. The movie and the director should be awarded as well. Aronofsky's back at his best. "Wrestler" was just a warm-up.
No wonder screenings sell out.

As the example of "Requiem for a dream" and "Wrestler" shows, Aronofsky's actresses are bound to be nominated to an Academy Award while he isn't exactly that successful himself. Imho he deserves the award for his uncanning ability to push actors to the limit. I'm also happy that this time, unlike in the films mentioned above, he manages to show erotica without nudity. Or was Natalie Portman less desperate than her lesser known counterparts?

TRON: LEGACY 3D AT IMAX

Watchable at IMAX, not sure about elsewhere. The visual effects would have impressed 20 years ago but after Matrix, The Clone Wars, let alone Avatar, they look silly. As far as I remember the original was full of colour as well while the sequel is either all blue or orange. What's really worth seeing though is the beginning - the airview of the city, puts you right in the middle of the film and induces parachute-jumping sensations. Jeff Bridges sounds like a chain smoker. No plot to talk about.

TAMARA DREWE

Watchable. A perfectly mediocre story. Good music and acting, very clearly structured therefore easy to watch but lacking in substance. Two days on I can barely remember what it was about.

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 1

Recommended. Previous Harry Potter movies failed trying to extract the core of the plot. Now the makers have slowed down - half a book per movie is just the pace. Acting has also reached its peak. Everything else is just perfect as well.

MR. NOBODY

Watchable. The scientific (the theory of chaos) and science-fiction (immortality through telemerisation, gene-compatible pigs kept as pets, trips to Mars) bits are the best elements of the film. The rest is quite philosophic and depressingly romantic.
When you have lived all your alternative lives and have been heartbroken in each, immortality isn't enticing. But then, when you think of the misfortunes that happen to everyone in life, would anyone really crave immortality if it were feasible?

Another night marathon so the movies are a tad old:

SEX AND THE CITY 2

Recommended. While Carrie and Big are working on regaining their sparkle (2 days weekly off work or marriage), the movie sparkles in all possible ways: slick haute couture outfits and luxurious decor provide the usual Sex And The City glamour and shine, sparkling humour held me in stitches (e.g. about Liza Minelli singing at a gay wedding: "Why has Liza Minelli signed up for this?!" "It's pure physics. Where there's so much gay energy, she just materialises.") and infallible Samantha sends off enough sparkles to start a fire.

THE SORCERER'S APPRENTICE

Recommended. Full of marvellous special effects, fast action, fantastic humour (e.g. "I'm a sorcerer." "And I thought my last boyfriend was different because he wore a scarf.") I seriously considered seeing it again straight after the screening ended.

PRINCE OF PERSIA: THE SANDS OF TIME

Watchable. I liked the going back in time idea (didn't have enough of that) but the trailer promised more special effects - these were far and few between and of poor quality and there were too many brawls and dagger fights, it also completely lacked humour or even irony.

I have to say that Warsaw Multikino with freshly squeezed juice to buy is so much better than London Cineworld that only sold the worst of fast food.

SAW VII 3D

Watchable. You, producers of "Saw" have ruthlessly milked the classic up to the point of marketing the latest as-gorey-as-usual instalment as 3D while in fact it's flat. Now, Hollywood bloodsuckers, I want to play a game with you.

and some movies seen at a night film marathon a few weeks ago:

GET LOW

Watchable. The funeral preparations turn out to be surprisingly amusing and involving. The self-imposed prison deepens the story but the film seems to keep a distance. Too reserved to get my accolades.

CRAZY HEART

Watchable. Very realistic and human but you have to feel the blues to enjoy it properly.

A SINGLE MAN

Walked out. Actually, sleepwalked out.

When out on the concourse, I heard a fascinating true story from a girl whose manager at a games salon tried to rape her. His superior then threatened to kill her if she testifies against the manager. He caught her by the throat while the police were there. She had begged them not to leave. Luckily, as corrupt as they were, they didn't want her blood on their hands so they stayed and she got to live to tell the story to a random girl. Life is stranger than fiction.

WHATEVER WORKS

Recommended. Deserves an Oscar. Genius Woody Allen winks to the audience saying the viewers shouldn't be interested in strangers' lives and that the tickets are going to fund another Hollywood swimming pool. A masterpiece from the very beginning to the very end.

and a really old film (yes, got lazy) I haven't mentioned yet:

STEP UP 3D

Watchable. While the visual effects are impressive and the music rocks, the movie fails to show the blood, sweat and tears of dance training that was a strong point of the previous two instalments.

Gosh, do I miss London! In the UK I used to dance 2-4 times a week. Here the smoking ban has only been issued recently and no implementing orders are in force. Still scared of suffocating if I go out.

INCEPTION

Watchable. A standard Hollywood fare. Good effects, especially towards the end, good cast, the plot interesting enough but altogether cheeeesy.

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE

Watchable. The beginning is startling and brilliant. The action fast-paced. The biggest surprise were some changes in casting: Victoria played by a different actress and in the look of characters with Bella and Jasper looking significantly better and Alice looking surprisingly worse, Rosalie looks different - I had to doublecheck the cast listings, the actress is the same. The werevolves are cute, so cuddly, shame the special effects are lame. Altogether predictably good with no surprised. Very true to the book, retaining even some jokes e.g.: "I kissed Bella and she broke her hand punching me in the face."

SPLICE

Watchable. A "Species" rip-off but completely sick. The last scene is a sequel trailer. Still, the special effects, the creature's costume and make-up look perfectly realistic.

SHUTTER ISLAND

Recommended. Perfect. Leonardo di Caprio at his peak. The story is properly mysterious and with a brilliant twist. The basic question is how do you prove your sanity? And how do you know you are sane?

I saw a poster advertising "The Fourth Kind" at the cinema. Funny that in Poland it hasn't been released yet.

ALICE IN WONDERLAND 3D AT IMAX

Recommended. IMAX is about the only cinema type offering a real 3D experience. And the latest version of "Alice In Wonderland" is the only watchable one, and even better than just watchable. Alice is my girl: head-strong, imaginative, kind to animals and fighting monsters. The Mad Hatter character has finally got a chance to be enacted by Johnny Depp - just made for the role. Anne Hathaway is a delightful White Queen. The music's great and the make-up and visual effects deserve oscars (just watch the Mad Hatter dance!). I hope part 2 is coming - it should, taken that Alice has promissed the Hatter to return.

AVATAR 3D

Seen again. Second time round the film felt lengthy and the visual effects were less awe-inspiring. But at least I could focus on some really good lines. But the most important observation was that it's far less impressive at a normal cinema than at IMAX. Strangely, the movie was practicly flat. Why was that?

LOVELY BONES

Watchable. A movie to watch in half-sleep: you snooze, awake, have another nap, wake up again... but it's a pleasant dream with a happy ending.

ACADEMY AWARDS 2010

By the time I found a live coverage online, I had missed 35 minutes (how do I recapture that?) I loved the "damned Mirren" - "she's dame Mirren" joke and Ben Stiller as a Na'vi. The Best Cinematography and Best Visual Effects Awards for "Avatar" most deserved. It's nice the tribute to the diseased included Michael Jackson ("Thriller" was quite a movie experience, wasn't it). The "most creative special effects since Avatar" joke was brilliant as was the one about what the hosts were doing backstage. I also liked the one about Meryl Streep: "I'm spearheading a movement in the Academy to cut the number of nominations for one person at 16". What sounded like a sick joke were the wins in the Best Director and Best Motion Picture categories - I had walked out from "The Hurt Locker". The Best Director win first sounded to me like extreme PC but the best movie?!

DAYBREAKERS

Recommended. The film starts where others end. It appears standard in Hollywood that when an epidemic decimates the human population the movie will end with the last few survivors doomed unless... and this is where "Daybreakers" takes over the story. 10 years after the outbreak vampires have dominated the world. They factory-bleed humans like milk cows. They can't imagine their daily coffee without blood. The future world is so meticulously portrayed that you see them driving cars in a daytime mode, you hear about infected animals causing forest fires when they come out in daylight. Both animals and humans are nearly extinct in result of the vampires' insatiable thirst. Just a few years earlier becoming a vampire meant survival, now they are days away from their own extinction. Desperation grows. And vampires are ruthless. The perfection of the film lies in details. Whoever says it's just gore and explosions, wasn't watching carefully enough.

In the meantime, I've returned to Poland and have failed to find any cinema offering an unlimited pass. I've decided to limit my movie-going to films in which special effects make a difference between the big screen and the small screen which in practice means science fiction. But I crave my daily cinema like a vampire a doze of blood. Help!

AVATAR 3D at IMAX

Recommended. If the visual effects don't get an oscar, I'll eat my keyboard. It's not even about the 3D but about the spectacular creation of an alien world: the landscape with floating mountains, the vegetation with its night-time fluorescence, the quasi-prehistoric wildlife and the indigenous population clearly inspired by native American cultures. Also the secret agent story is more satisfactory than the trailer suggested. It complements the presented world, everything makes sense, bits of humour (e.g. "Try to make your mind go blank. It shouldn't be too difficult for you.") endear to the characters from the beginning, betrayals and disloyalties provide emotional upheavals. It was altogether just breathtaking. When the 156-minute long movie ended it felt all too soon.

YEDI KOCALI HURMUZ

Walked out. It looks like a freak show. Only a woman with a beard is missing. Or maybe not. I didn't wait that long.

THE STEPFATHER

Watchable. A typical psycho killer movie but well made, well acted and Amber Heard as Kelly is really hot (ultra-feminine features and shapes).

CARRIERS

Watchable. A typical film about an epidemics decimating humanity. No ending. Chris Pine with facial hair doesn't look even half as sexy as in "Star Trek". The only interesting thing in the film is the distrophy of human solidarity - Brian abandoning his infected girlfriend on the road was powerful and it's not the only example.

ROCKET SINGH - SALESMAN OF THE YEAR

Recommended. Bullied at work idealist starts his own business and competes with his employer - the film is funny and full of suspense.

WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE

Walked out. Your own children will be more interesting. Or if you don't like children, you won't like the film anyway. Either way don't bother.

DAS WEISSE BAND (THE WHITE RIBBON)

Walked out. Michael Haneke is making worse and worse movies. "Funny Games" were brilliant, "La Pianiste" ("The Piano Player") still good, "Cache" ("Hidden") watchable, while "Das Weisse Band" ("The White Ribbon") is slow, with no musical score, shot in black and white, with an annoying narrative.

THE BOX

Recommended. A couple has to decide whether to sacrifice a stranger's life to get badly needed cash. But that's only the beginning...

ME AND ORSON WELLES

Walked out. You really have to be into the theatre to enjoy this cinematic production.

PAA

Walked out. An irresponsible and unreliable man leaves his pregnant girlfriend, whe gives birth to a son who suffers from progeria. The disease isn't very enticing visually and you don't need to go to the cinema to find irresponsible and unreliable men. The guy in the film becomes a politician.

CRACKS

Recommended. Worthy of a few oscars: beautifully acted, a subtle yet powerful story of dangerous love.

GLORIOUS 39

Recommended. It's political but the feeling of being cornered is as powerful as in the original "The Stepford Wives". Its realism only makes it more scary.

NATIVITY

Watchable. Starts with teacher bickering, then becomes a beautiful, albeit sad, tale about hope and ends with a spectacular performance with a fantastic use for the spire of the Coventry Cathedral -well worth seeing. They are taking the movie off now so get it on DVD and fast forward to the ending.

THE DESCENT: PART 2

Walked out. The cave is nothing special so the pre-horror descent has no impact and then you get rats crawling out of corpses and alien-rip-off monsters.

PLANET 51

Watchable. A nice take on aliens with their every day problems and fear of human invaders. A funny film, playing with the genre (e.g. quotes like: "In space no one will hear you scream" or "Hasta la vista, baby") but it's not laugh-out-loud funny. More for children than for adults. "The Incredibles" it isn't.

LAW ABIDING CITIZEN

Watchable. A really good action movie. And nothing more than that.

BUNNY AND THE BULL

Walked out. It looks lower budget than it was, full of tacky props. The plot is rubbish and one bit was so disgusting (a guy sucking a dog's tit) that I just couln't stand it any longer.

DE DANA DAN

Watchable. Like all comedies of errors, it's entertaining, with some good gags and lines (e.g. "So go, die and come back") but the errors pile up confusingly fast. The music is OK.

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY

Watchable. The shaky camera makes the viewing of the film more difficult than of a home video. Interesting relatioship dynamics - the guy is terribly childish. One scare at the very end.

KURTLAR VADISI - GLADIO (VALLEY OF THE WOLVES - GLADIO)

Walked out. Elderly spies shoot each other, discuss patriotism and are so secretive they they won't reveal what's it all about.

HEER RANJHA

Watchable. There's little of a story, more of folklore, tradition and romantic songs. What I found interesting was the cultural difference. I'm independent above European average and in my eyes marrying a daughter off to someone because of his wealth and status is akin to pimping. In the film the girl from an Indian Muslim rural community is called "a shameless wretch" when she refused to marry a man she doesn't love. What's scary she believes she is.

A SERIOUS MAN

Walked out. A bunch of weirdoes doing things that make no sense.

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON

Watchable. Again, better than the book. Good CGIs. Jacob's werewolf persona is so cute you want to pet him. Again, very well acted. Shame the lines are mostly murmured hardly audibly in a crowded cinema, I had to see it again on a weekday matinee. The music is awful: the fairy-tale tones clash with the dark story and rubbish songs make the film feel lengthy.

THE INFORMANT

Walked out. His desk job isn't any more interesting than yours.

KURBAAN

Walked out. If relationships are so boring that you need a blast, it's better to stay single. The terrorists are stereotypically portrayed and there's no music and dancing even in the romantic beginning.

TAKING WOODSTOCK

Watchable. It's hard to warm up to the mean villagers but when the festival takes place the two worlds clash spectacularly.

AMELIA

Walked out. Amelia Earhart was fanatical about flying which everyone knows without seeing the movie. Her life and character don't bring in any surprises.

TUM MILE

Watchable. Indians know how to write beautiful love stories. They only ruin the ending with the girl getting pregnant.

AN EDUCATION

Recommended. Fantastic dialogues, acting, a fascinating story and a good life lesson.

2012

Watchable. What a beautiful catastrophy! Not that it makes any sense but it is entertaining.

BRIGHT STAR

Walked out. Poets are notorious for being poor, untidy, of poor health and having weirdo side-kicks. Keats appears to have been no different. In addition the actors can't decide whether to be theatrical or casual, cinematic it isn't.

THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS

Watchable. It's full of New Age weirdness but with some brilliant humour, e.g. "He tapped him and he died of death touch." "There and then?" "No, 18 years later."

THE FOURTH KIND

Watchable. Archive footage often shown together with dramatised scenes and mixing Dr. Abigail Tyler's life traumas with her patients' make it hardly comprehensible at first. Once you get used to the strange form of the film, it gets spooky. I was trembling when I left. No idea if it's true or a hoax just like "Blair Witch Project". I do hope it is fiction.

HARRY BROWN

Watchable. The police fight with organised crime is so boring that you get to understand why they don't normally bother in real life. Once the OAP starts his own mission it gets really good with interesting twists of action. The portrayal of junkie degenerates is unforgettable.

COLD SOULS

Watchable. The science fiction layer of soul trafficking is meticulously created but you'd expect some changes in the characters changing souls instead of blabbing about how awful their soulless lives are.

JAIL

Watchable. A fascinating complex story about a wrongly accused with rising star Neil Nihil Mukesh in the main role. A bit stereotypical though.

1 DAY

Watchable. Nothing special about the story maybe apart from the main character - the guy is barely adult but already has 5 children with 5 different girls. He's in a gang so he's going to live-fast-die-young but he's already ensured the survival of his genes. The acting and hip-hop are top-notch.

A CHRISTMAS CAROL 3D

Watchable. Form over substance. The exquisite CGIs put the story in their shadow but convey the Christmas message in the end.

AJAB PREM KI GHAZAB KAHANI

Walked out. A bunch of morons having adventures full of gags and lines that just fail to be funny.

JENNIFER'S BODY

Watchable. The tongue-in-cheek beginning and ending are fun but in between you get a trashy horror with a bleeding demon asking for a tampon. I also don't understand why Megan Fox is considered the ultimate hottie. She looks like any other woman.

TWILIGHT

Seen 5th time. I still find it incredibly well acted by Billy Burke (police chief Charlie Swan), Robert Pattinson (Edward Cullen) and Kristen Stewart (Bella Swan). Other than that, after reading all 4 books, I'm a bit fed up with the series.

AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON

Watchable. A peculiar film acted so theatrically that all actors pronounce their lines clearly which is a nice change from the mainstream but feels fake nevertheless.

The sequel to "Blue" is going to focus on the sky instead of the sea. So, basically, there will be nothing to watch. The only enjoyable thing about "Blue" were the underwater scenes.

NATIONAL LAMPOON'S ANIMAL HOUSE

Walked out. You don't need to go to the cinema to see and hear a bunch of morons singing and smoking weed. Come over and experience my neighbours.

DEAD MAN RUNNING

Walked out. A run of the mill gangster story where the only novelty is the looking and talking more like an Oxford professor than a gangster.

VATAN SAGOLSUN (NEFES - LONG LIVE THE FATHERLAND)

Walked out. Daily lives of philosophical soldiers on the front.

ALADIN

Walked out. This adaptation focuses on communication problems between Aladin and the genie. The music could be better too.

9

Walked out. I failed to see anything fascinating in 2 rag dolls in a vehicle scrap heap.

MICHAEL JACKSON'S THIS IS IT

Watchable. The enjoyment of watching the film is directly proportional to your adorement of MJ. I went to Madonna's concert but never intended to go to MJ's and the film didn't "convert" me. It basically shows how meticulously the greatest prepare their shows.

Psychologist Dr Peter Lovatt discovered that high-testosterone people dance more dynamically than their low testosterone counterparts (www.dancedrdance.com). Go and see the 11 highest-testosterone people in the world!

LONDON DREAMS

Watchable. A stereotypical but well acted, with Salman Khan sensational as a Punjabi simple mind on a plane to London, rags-to-riches story of pop stars, with good music and some humour (especially Salman Khan mentioned above).

ALL THE BEST: FUN BEGINS

Walked out. A guy scams money from his step-brother to play bad music with a band and then starts dealing with a mute gangster communicating through clinking a glass. I'm not sure what this movie is trying to be, let alone what it is.

BLUE

Watchable. A silly gangster movie full of car chases and shoot-outs, with a cameo by fatso Kylie Minogue. Lovely views of Thailand acting as the Bahamas and the actual Bahamas with spectacular marine life.

THE GOODS: LIVE HARD, SELL HARD

Watchable. It isn't funny at all. I only watched on curious what other selling tricks they will come up with.

ONG-BAK: THE BEGINNING

Walked out. The cinematography is shameful: dull colours and whatever is close or far is blurred. The story? A kid is trained in martial arts, then grows up and fights.

MAIN AUR MRS KHANNA

Watchable. Early on it was intriguing: a husband tries to save his career going to Singapore, takes his wife with him to the airport and then... tells her he's flying her to a different destination than his. Later on it's some romantic rubbish with music below high Bollywood standards.

LOVE HAPPENS

Watchable. A ridiculous title for a film about dealing with grief. I expected a romcom and ended up crying for 2 hours. But at least it felt catharctic after leaving the cinema.

CIRQUE DU FREAK: THE VAMPIRE ASSISTANT

Walked out. Awfully badly acted and with a ludicrous script, e.g. the main protagonist sees a huge arachnid in national colours and is delighted: "She's beautiful". And he's the least freaky character.

FANTASTIC MR. FOX

Walked out. It's that annoying animation where the characters look like dolls and here they also move in a quirky, twitchy way. It's a film noir about antropomorphic foxes in burglers' gang - it is as stupid as it sounds.

THE IMAGINARIUM OF DOCTOR PARNASUS

Walked out. Incoherent, mostly poorly acted, with every character speaking in a different accent, and full of freaks.

SAW VI

Watchable. Part I was a masterpiece, part II watchable, part III equalled part I, part IV was watchable for fans, part V was so bad that even I walked out, part VI is really good. It's slower than over-packed part II, IV and V. It retains the best of Saw scares. The murder motivation is clearly explained and better "justified" than ever. It's below excellent just because part VI is repetitive by definition.

In SAW VII next year it's going to be the young lad killing people. He's really young so may last a few sequels.

COUPLES RETREAT

Watchable. I don't know where they shot it but I want to go there! There's incredibly blue water with colour fish and a pool-side club spinning great music that is open-air and where no one smokes. Never mind the plot is lousy and unfanny, even containing a joke about being marked by sharks for later that I heard in a different film before. Jean Reno of "Le Grand Bleu" fame is aptly cast as the owner of the marine paradise. Now, where's my snorkel?

TRIANGLE

Watchable. The beginning was so boring that I switched off and really started paying attention when they boarded the ghost ship. A great mistake. The subsequent puzzle was so intriguing that I ended up going to another screening to see the beginning once more. The time loop makes it feel lengthy but the mystery stays with you after you leave the cinema.

PASSAGE

Watchable. While it's historically revealing, the film attempts to be too artistic to be a decent documentary. It's incoherent with: casually dressed actors reading roles, the same performers acting in period costumes, an explorer following Ray's footsteps in the Arctic, the same investigator talking to people in Scotland, the crew discussing history, visiting places - all loosely stitched together. Many scenes could do with shortening too.

BEFORE TOMORROW

Watchable. A powerful and moving story of resilience, set in an exotic environment of the Arctic where any rush decision may result in death. Some scenes, including an underwater one, are beautifully shot. Having said that, it's more of a series of images rather than a coherent story.

The talk preceding the one-off screening at Canada House highlighted that nowadays anyone can make a movie but few can get it distributed. Couldn't agree more. The stunning independent Japanese film "Thunder Fish" was shown at 2008 Raindance Film Festival only because a scheduled film had to be dropped due to its pornographic contents. The makers of the "Thunder Fish" masterpiece struggled to get it distributed even in their own country. Hardly fair taken how many generally released movies are too rubbish to sit through the screening.

UP 3D

Walked out. It's flat - without the 3D glasses it's exactly the same just slightly blurred. It's also really sad: A couple waste their lives away never doing what they have always dreamed about. Then, as an old man, the protagonist injures a contractor while defending his property and gets summoned to court. He runs away to his dream Paradise Falls and faces lots of obstacles on his way. It's just so depressing.

HALLOWEEN 2

Walked out. The killer walks and chops.

PANDORUM

Watchable. There were just a few good scenes:

1. Normally films, even documentaries, show astronauts striding confidently from the spacecraft towards the camera. The reality, as far as I know, is different - they are taken out on stretches as their muscles need to readjust to gravity. Hibernation in movies is also glossed over - they just come to. In "Pandorum" it was impressively more realistic: they shiver, their faces are red, then their bodies cover in sweat, their hair is greasy, they are disoriented and suffer a temporary memory loss.

2. The scene showing a few stories high shelving full of genetic samples needed to colonise a planet.

3. The "historic" account of "the worst catastrophy of space flights" when two flight team members come down with a mental disorder resulting in them believing the spaceship is evil and "evacuating" 5000 passengers sending their hiber beds into the outer space "like flying coffins".

4. The vision of future Earth where the protagonist stands close to the Brandenburger Tor in Berlin with goggles on his face and a turban-like scarf around his head to protect him from the dust of extreme pollution.

5. The 2 views of the alien environment towards the end of the movie.

All the rest should be entitled "Zombies In Space". The mythical reference in "Pandorum" implies more intelligence.

Funnily the next film on my list was

ZOMBIELAND

Watchable. I'm really fed up with the recent zombiemania among movie-makers. How many aggressive corpses dripping of blood and green saliva can you watch? At least it was well acted and funny. Woody Harrelson is better than ever before - a natural born zombie killer. And the jokes are good, e.g. after being mugged by the same two girls in one day: "You are thinking about fucking Wichita?! The two girls have been fucking us the last 24 hours!"

BUGSY MALONE

Walked out. The film is full of lolitas. How come it's re-released at the time of a supposed crackdown on paedophiles?

DRIVING APHRODITE

Recommended. A feel-good movie. Kept me cheerful and patient with public transport all the way back home from Enfield to Central London. Hilarious too, e.g. a Greek guy asks "How do you call this game: a guy stand in front of people waving his dick?" which turns out to be his poor pronounciation - he meant a conductor waving his stick in front of an orchestra.

TOY STORY 3D

Walked out. The film is flat and the toys talk like boring adults holding meetings on plastic toxicity.

WAKE UP SID

Recommended. A beautiful story about starting an independent life that is sometimes sad, sometimes funny and thoroughly involving. Every viewer either has already or will at some point go through the same so it's easy identify yourself with the characters.

DO KNOT DISTURB

Watchable. This comedy is really silly and often downright stupid but so light-hearted that it is fun. It's not supposed to be treated seriously after all.

THE INVENTION OF LYING

Watchable. An insightful vision of a world where people only tell the truth and never refrain from doing so. But why is it advertised as a comedy? Let me tell you the truth about this movie: it's really sad and pessimistic, whether with or without lies.

THE GODFATHER

Recommended. Good it's been re-released. I finally saw the classic. And a classic it is. A powerful story of loyalties, the family, life choices, power and trust.

SURROGATES

Seen second time. It still strikes me how complete a portrayal of a future world it is. The film ingeniously winks towards SF fans with its hints at "Gamer", "Terminator", "G.I.Joe" and "Last Action Hero". And it's pure pleasure to see the streets full of supermodel-lookalikes.

CREATION

Walked out. It's not about Charles Darwin procrastinating to announce his theory. It's about the script writer putting off the main story. Well, if there is any later on. My patience ran out.

SURROGATES

Recommended. Good science fiction comes up with a new scientific idea and puts it to a test in a fictitious medium. A good film is well scripted, filmed and acted. This movie meets all these conditions.

FAME

Recommended. Bereft of the original's gloom and fatalism, it's retained the most valid plots and fantastically modernised the whole. Of course it's kept the hit song "I'm gonna live forever".

In the meantime I've set four nights out free of charge for myself for this week only. I'm gonna dance forever...

THE SOLOIST

Watchable. It starts with people, whether sane or mentally ill, talking rubbish and it feels like sitting on a London bus having to hear strangers' boring conversations. but soon it gets so much better. The portrayal of the community of mentally ill people is just surreal and the bits putting you into the mind of a schizophreniac just show how it feels to hear voices.

WHAT'S YOUR RAASHEE?

Watchable. The comedy is brilliant (e.g. "How did you like the girl?" "She's nice but she argues a lot." "You won't argue after marriage." "Why?" "By then you will learn to shut up."). What detracts from the movie is too Western music.

MEET THE ROBINSONS

Watchable. I don't like animation making cartoon characters look like dolls. But time warp movies tend to be good and this story doesn't disappoint.

Hilarious: Icelanders have made their first slasher movie ever. The title is "The Whale-Watching Massacre".

THE CRIMSON WING

Watchable. Interesting visual effects show that truly only the best material of the 13-month shooting has been selected. The commentary sounds so monotonous that it's hard to focus though. Still, what I can see clearly from the film is that I will need new feathers for my collection. Not all flamingoes are totally pink. Some have white feathers with crimson tips - really beautiful.

THE FIRM

Walked out. Boring are lives of football hooligans. And expensive (£80 for a tacky tracksuit in the 80s).

I skipped the preview of "The Soloist" with full conscience - if the proceeds go to a charity, I'd better leave it to normal ticket payers to attend the screening. I guess my Unlimited pass wouldn't help much.

JULIE AND JULIA

Watchable. I like to cook and it's a very uplifting movie about the joy of cooking and eating. Still, it's not exactly mouthwatering and the kitchen disasters could be funnier.

THREE MILES NORTH OF MOLKOM

Watchable. It's about an obscure event full of rituals reminiscent of paganism. But it's shown with irreverent humour (e.g. a cool Australian has heard about a festival while travelling through Europe and disappointingly found himself stuck with tree-huggers, the camera captures his and others' faces commenting on the goings-on).

The screening was preceded by a lengthy comedy show by Russell Howard. I don't get much of his humour but a few jokes were good. One had me in stitches: A girl at school is doing some calculations and whenever her calculator refuses cooperation, she bangs it against the desk. The noise is so annoying to the teacher that he says to the underage girl: "How would you like it if I banged you against the desk?"

FISH TANK

Watchable. A gritty look on daily lives of chavs: kids that drink, smoke and steal like it's no big deal, a young mother that hardly tolerates her children. It is unpleasant but fascinating to watch for an outsider. Very convincingly made and acted.

MISS MARCH: GENERATION PENETRATION

Watchable. It is gross but funny, like "American Pie".

CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS 3-D

Watchable. The story is about as clever as the title indicates but when ice-cream fell down on the village I just couldn't help fantasising about a downpour of pancakes with wild blueberries and whipped cream. The movie is quite funny. Just see the inventor's father face when his son asks him to find a file and email to his mobile.

WANTED

Watchable. The music and dancing is really good and that means a lot in Bollywood. The storyline is ingeniously contrived. Salman Khan acts at his best. Just the gang dealings feel a bit lengthy.

Trailers promise a number of good movies this Diwali. "Blue" is particularly intriguing - diving, sharks, Bollywood top actors.

DIL BOLE HADDIPA!

Recommended. The music and dancing is absolutely top-class. Shahid Kapoor and Rani Mukherjee act and dance just so well that I checked their names. Truly rising stars. The comedy is also hilarious.

IN THE REALM OF THE SENSES

Watchable. It's about sex so, obviously, it's exciting to watch. But it's about nothing more than sex.

(500) DAYS OF SUMMER

Watchable. A beautiful love story with an annoying commentary (by an old prick's voice), a nonsense film in the film and ridiculous and confusing going forward and back in time.

DISTRICT 9

Watchable. Poor direction and acting combined with a boring mockumentary style (really, TV talking heads discussing trivia) detract from a good storyline. "Enemy Mine" it isn't.

THE HURT LOCKER

Walked out. Day-to-day work of soldiers in a war zone. For fans of army machinery only. Even "Jarhead" was better.

WHITEOUT

Watchable. A spotless and spacious station in Antarctica, much better than the one whose replica I saw at an exhibition at Science Museum, is the background to an almost-slasher-movie. While the balaclava-clad figure running with a dagger looks ridiculous, the frozen dead bodies and investigators' struggle with the weather conditions are more involving.

LOS ABRAZOS ROTOS (BROKEN EMBRACES)

Watchable. A usual multi-layer Almodovar story, with the characters somewhat subdued. The farther in the movie, the better. The comic bit of "Girls and Suitcases" should be developed into a full-length film - vibrant characters and perfect acting.

GAMER

Watchable. The movie builds on "The Running Man", with Gerard Butler taking Arnold Schwarzenegger's place. The clownish-acting inventor would suit "Batman" better but the vision of future entertainment is plausible and attractive to watch. A bit chaotic though.

AWAY WE GO

Walked out. People in their thirties try to sort their lives. I decided sorting out my own life was more interesting and left.

DORIAN GRAY

Watchable. The 1970 film was one of the creepiest of my childhood. This one relies on ominous noises and worms rather than dosing the menace. It's also really poorly acted, even Colin Firth acts half-heartedly. Good it retained some of Oscar Wilde's brilliant observations (e.g. "I didn't exactly propose. I just said I loved her and she said it was her dream come true to become my wife." "Women are so wonderfully practical.")

SORORITY ROW

Watchable. The title indicated a chick flick so I was surprised to see them killing each other. As slasher movies go, this one doesn't stand out. It's fast-paced so you can't get bored but no major scares.

ADVENTURELAND

Watchable. A sad story about ordinary lives entangled in strong emotions. With amazing Bill Hader as the theme park manager.

APNI BOLI APNA DES

Watchable. The story of love, family and debt is involving but it starts with half an hour of people talking jibberish about wedding plans. Mediocre music. Punjabi.

MR. MAGORIUM'S WONDER EMPORIUM

Recommended. Saw it twice. The story is full of magic and wonders indeed.

THE FINAL DESTINATION 3-D

Recommended. Finally real 3D! It starts with a mind-blowing 3D car race and doesn't relent for a minute. The storyline is intriguing too: are we destined to die at a specific time or can we get away with it?

FUNNY PEOPLE

Walked out. What an unfunny movie about comedy.

TINKERBELL AND THE LOST TREASURE

Walked out. Tinkerbell manipulates everyone around her by being cute and sulking.

MESRINE: L'ENNEMI PUBLIC NO. 1 (MESRINE - PART II: PUBLIC ENEMY 1)

Watchable. Surprisingly. I walked out from Part I but this one is much more fun. Lots of humour (e.g. the criminal drinking to being No. 1 when declared public enemy). It could be shorter though. The scenes that are supposed to increase tension are so lengthy that they increase sleepiness rather than the heart rate.

KISAAN

Watchable. A run-of-the-mill social economic rural family story with a good criminal plot. The music is mediocre: pleasantly melodious songs throughout the film with the best one saved for the credits.

KAMINEY (SCOUNDRELS)

Walked out. Lame gangsters argue and fight between one another and a girl gets knocked up because she didn't want her boyfriend to use a condom. The two stories are supposedly somehow connected.

DR NO

Watchable. Good that nowadays action movie heroes and heroines are young. This 60s movie is full of aged spies seducing middle-aged women. The atomic plot is intriguing enough and Jamaican coast pleasing to watch.

SIN NOMBRE

Watchable. Yet another "City Of God" rip-off. Still, the complex characters compel you to sympathise with them and the action is fast and twisted remaining clear to the viewer.

SHORTS

Walked out. A film that shows that stupid people wish for silly things and dull people wish for ordinary things. If I had a wishing rock, I would wish for a better script.

IMAGINE THAT

Watchable. The childtalk is annoying. I wasn't that stupid even as a kid. The adult business plot is much better.

BANDSLAM

Walked out. About nerds with bad music tastes.

THE TIME TRAVELER'S WIFE

Walked out. Brad Pitt must be really aging if he felt any need for producing this sentimental bore about passing time.

A PERFECT GETAWAY

Watchable. It starts with a serious of bland conversations on the trek. It's only towards the much faster ending that you wish you had listened carefully. All the hints were there.

ALIENS IN THE ATTIC

Watchable. Cheerful family science fiction like in the 80s. Brilliantly acted inventive kids stop an alien invasion. Only the aliens disappoint - they look and talk like Shrek.

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS

Recommended. Tarantino's best movie. Stunningly acted, stylishly shot and most of all perfectly scripted. Even the slow beginning is compelling and later you get one twist after another. Absolutely superb.

LIFE PARTNER

Watchable. A cheerful family comedy with ingeniously over-the-top characters, including a divorce lawyer breaking people's marriages. Good music. While it never fails to be funny, it doesn't cut the edge. Only tried and tested comedy rules have been applied.

LOVE AAJ KAL

Walked out. A boring guy breaks up with a boring girl (doesn't surprise me) and then their love starts to blossom. There's also another love story thrown in, played by the same insipid pair of actors.

COCO AVANT CHANEL (COCO BEFORE CHANEL)

Watchable. To achieve fame you have to come from a dysfunctional family like I heard from a psychologist on telly. It is certainly true that people from broken families fare better in life. My 3 best friends are living examples: stable relationships, jobs, sometimes really good while I'm out of work and single (coming from a good home obviously). Coco has what it takes. She is pushy but she was also pushed and shoved a lot. An inspiring movie of making your own destiny. Still, some bits were so slow that I drifted away once in a while only to find that when I regained full focus I didn't miss any bit of the plot .

MESRINE:L'INSTINCT DE MORT (MESRINE: KILLER INSTINCT)

Walked out. More about a degenerate husband beating his wife, incapable of controlling his anger and misjudging people's life choices rathen than a killer. Mesrine was clearly a psychopath deprived of empathy and looking for the shortest way to his goals but the movie focused on family issues instead.

ADAM

Watchable. I don't find brain disorders particularly fascinating but the love story was moving: a guy with no social skills struggles to understand the world around him and you wonder whether his impediment dooms him to loneliness. Is everyone able to find love?

Just finished Stephenie Meyer's "Breaking Dawn" - the best of the four "Twilight" books. It's still annoyingly exalted but at least things happen!

A girl has told me she had only watched the last 20 minutes of "Orphan" to spare herself time. Brilliant!

G-FORCE 3D

Watchable. Unlike previous 3D releases this year, the film is mostly 3D indeed. The plot is rubbish but I sympatised with the animals so stayed watching. The music is really good.

THE UGLY TRUTH

Watchable. An involving story, well acted and shot but a bit of other romantic comedies' rip-off ("He's just not that into you" most of all). Great music.

ORPHAN

Watchable. A merciless rip-off of other obsessed-killer stories but with a brilliant twist that immediately makes it more credible. Also a great study of manipulation and invariably futile attempts of defence, very true psychologically. It was all really brutal so afterwards instead of watching "Mesrine: Killer Instinct" I went to see comic-book adaptation

G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA

Recommended. I don't know what it's about but it looks spectacular. A feast for the eye and the ear even if not the brain. The shonky plot doesn't distract from mind-blowing CGIs and ideas behind future warfare (e.g. nanomites excreting poison out of the body or electronic fish). Science fiction in the true meaning of the words. With some brilliant lines too (e.g. "Are you spying on me?" "If I were spying on you, you wouldn't know.")

LAND OF THE LOST

Walked out. One weirdo follows another. The same rule applies to absurds and distasteful attempts at humour.

HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE

Watchable. No film is capable of giving the books justice. This one, just like all the predecessors, has extracted the most important events skipping all the rest. Luckily it has retained the humour of the book (e.g. Ron Weasley in love or Hermione remarking: "Excuse me, I have to vomit."). Emma Watson as Hermione and Rupert Grint as Ron are getting better and better from one movie to next. Special effects disappointed just as much as in the previous movies althought the opening disasters in London are mind-blowing. The fairy-tale music score which matched the first film well, sounds terribly incongruous in this serious and grim tale. The whole film would have been scripted and acted better if it had been unaware of its expected greatness.

THE PROPOSAL

Recommended. Hilarious from the very beginning (e.g. Andrew bumping into people in the lift: "Is everyone OK? Me too." or staff emails about the boss: "It's here." and "The witch is on the broom."), later on transits into a weepy melodrama with some laughs thrown in here and there (e.g. the granny in the helicopter ambulance). Brilliantly acted and shot.

THE INFORMERS

Recommended. Based on a novel by Bret Easton Ellis - the author of "American Psycho". Good 80s music, lots of good-looking naked bodies. Feels light and entertaining until deep moral dilemmas see through the superficial, happy-go-lucky lives of people who have everything (e.g. Graham realising he can't tell the right from the wrong). Powerful stuff.

THE BLUES BROTHERS

Watchable. Even if some of the music isn't exactly to my taste, this comedy never gets old.

ANTICHRIST (ANTYCHRYST)

Watchable. The trailer was scarier, more mysterious and had scenes missing from the movie (!). It's a lengthy, slow tale leading to a "Hostel"- torture-style climax. Lots of graphic sex. If it weren't so boringly artistic, it could be easily classified as sado porn. Certificate 18.

MOON

Recommended. Feels like old good science-fiction, back to the core of the genre. Gripping, mysterious, scarish, well acted. With music by Clint Mansell.

THE TAKING OF PELHAM 123

Watchable. Fast action, well acted, especially by Denzel Washington. The beginning is about as interesting as a Tube breakdown but it gets really good when it's revealed who the two players actually are.

PUBLIC ENEMIES

Walked out. The typical bandits with typical robberies, a typical interest in brothels and having a typical affair shown in desultory scenes are bad enough but what really ruins this movie is the incongruos soundtrack. It sounds as if the composer had never seen the film or even had any idea what it was about.

LUCK

Recommended. It's as good as "Race" with good as ever Imran Khan. Films about rich people playing others' lives ("Trading Places", "Hostel", "Surviving the Game") are a good bet. This one is one of the kind, with top-notch Bollywood music and superb scenes (e.g. "bringing betting to such levels that even death seems inferior").

KAMBAKKHT ISHQ

Walked out. The premise of a male chauvinist pitted against a female chauvinist was promising but completely ruined by the stupid and unfanny "humour". Mediocre music doesn't help.

THE PRIVATE LIVES OF PIPPA LEE

Walked out. A dysfunctional family that is presented in such an ordinary and monotonous way that it only highlights how much more interesting normal life is.

BRUNO

Watchable. Without disgusting toilet humour it is actually better than "Borat" but of course it outrages all the same. Fast-paced and from time to time laugh-out-loud funny (e.g. the sticky suit).

BLOOD: THE LAST VAMPIRE

Watchable. "Blade" it isn't. The effects, choreography and music are no match. But the main characters of Sayo and Alice are cute and likeable. The high-school plot is fun. The magical part less so.

SHORTKUT - THE CON IS ON

Watchable. Entertaining music and plot. It only gets a bit funny in the second part though (e.g. a bad Bollywood star dancing on strings, being unable to master the steps). But the whole story of a script writer robbed off his movie is touching.

SUNSHINE CLEANING

Watchable. Deep, moving and charming. Non-typical girls with a non-standard job. Left me really sad afterwards though.

ICE AGE 3: DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS

Watchable. It has some funny bits (e.g. the weasel trying to milk a buffalo: "Sorry. I thought you were female." or the line: "You will also have a family. One day you will meet a girl with low standards, not many options and without a sense of smell") but not many. The family stories are endearing though. The 3D gives some depth but doesn't come out to the viewer.

YEAR ONE

Watchable. While some jokes are brilliant ("I don't feel like laying with her." "She's your sister." or "I wish you were dead too! Not that Abel is dead at all."), others are just scatological.

NEW YORK

Walked out. Yet another film about an innocent person detained for terrorism, with a lousy love story and bad music. The detention officer is played by the same guy who interrogated the "Slumdog Millionaire".

RUDO Y CURSI

Watchable. Funny, with good twists and some depth but also some disturbing bits (e.g. hazing).

MY SISTER'S KEEPER

Watchable. The film would have been much better as a courtroom drama as the subject of who your body belongs to is fascinating. This premise was ruined by too many melodramatic bits and hysterical Cameron Diaz.

"TWILIGHT" AND "NEW MOON" BOOKS BY STEPHENIE MEYER

Recommended. I loved the first movie and the first book got me hooked on the whole series. The second book mercilessly and fa-fetchedly rips off "Romeo and Juliet" but the movie may be just as good. I can't wait till November till it's released. I've yet to read "Eclipse" and "Breaking Dawn". You have to reserve the books at libraries. Then lend out straightaway. Waiting list for all of them everywhere in London. But the beautiful dreamy prose is worth the wait.

From "New Moon":

"I felt the smooth wooden floor beneath my knees, and then the palms of my hands, and then it was pressed against the skin of my cheek. I hoped that I was fainting, but, to my disappointment, I didn't lose consciousness. The waves of pain that had only lapped at me before now reared high up and washed over my head, pulling me under.

I did not resurface."

And now movies proper:

TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN

Walked out. Silly plot, lousy dialogues and far too long (2.5 hours).

TRAINSPOTTING

Recommended. Seen on DVD a couple of times and yesterday on the big screen for the first time. The best drugs movie ever. Over and over again. Exquisitely written, filmed and acted.

THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT

Recommended. So brutal that left me with a craving for sweets. I just burnt out all my sugar supplies watching it. Clever and tense.

POUR ELLE (ANYTHING FOR HER)

Watchable. The French movie lacks usual Hollywood glam but at least it's a realistic story of ordinary people wrongly accused or forced to break the law.

KAL KISSNE DEKHNA

Watchable. It's all mediocre. Unknown actors who play OK but no great, a silly plot that is fun but far from creative, danceable music that doesn't make your feet move while watching.

DOGHOUSE

Watchable. Surprisingly fun. while it is a wash-off of "Lesbian Vampire Killers" and "Severance", at least it has some good lines e.g. being attacked by female zombies: "Today is not the right time to stop objectifying women".

MANHATTAN

Walked out. Re-released digitally but sill in black and white. The story of an affair of a middle-aged guy with a 17-year-old is disturbing rather than funny.