ACADEMY AWARDS 2013

Whatever this year's host says isn't a bit funny. No, I've got a joke:

Captain Kirk is telling Seth MacFarlane he's the worst host ever. Seth is surprised: "The show's going fine." Kirk: "No, it's not."

And shortly after you get that distasteful "I saw your boobies" song which clearly insults several actresses.

Other than "Skyfall", "The Hobbit", "Prometheus" and the last half an hour of "Amour" I haven't seen the movies yet so I'm not commenting on winners this time.

And now some unfanny teddy bear. Mercy!

It's already 2 hours 30 minutes in the show and I'm bored.

And Michelle Obama announcing an Oscar - why do they politicize it?

BEAUTIFUL CREATURES

Watchable by genre buffs. A lousy "Twilight" rip-off with elements of a "Harry Potter" rip-off. If you know the two movies, you just stalk the stolen bits. If you don't know either, there's nothing to watch. And the lead Alden Ehrenreich seriously needs acting lessons.

DROGOWKA (TRAFFIC DEPARTMENT)

Wanted to walk out but didn't want to be impolite to my movie companion. Polish people in Britain have an opinion of tough guys. And rightly so. Several of them endure such movies which shapes character and makes them believe they'll survive anything. You have to listen carefully to put the swear words in the context. And there's nothing more than "inserted words" in the film. The plot might be comprehensible to true blue Poles.