MICHAEL JACKSON'S THIS IS IT
Watchable. The enjoyment of watching the film is directly proportional to your adorement of MJ. I went to Madonna's concert but never intended to go to MJ's and the film didn't "convert" me. It basically shows how meticulously the greatest prepare their shows.
Psychologist Dr Peter Lovatt discovered that high-testosterone people dance more dynamically than their low testosterone counterparts (www.dancedrdance.com). Go and see the 11 highest-testosterone people in the world!
LONDON DREAMS
Watchable. A stereotypical but well acted, with Salman Khan sensational as a Punjabi simple mind on a plane to London, rags-to-riches story of pop stars, with good music and some humour (especially Salman Khan mentioned above).
Friday 30 October 2009
Thursday 29 October 2009
ALL THE BEST: FUN BEGINS
Walked out. A guy scams money from his step-brother to play bad music with a band and then starts dealing with a mute gangster communicating through clinking a glass. I'm not sure what this movie is trying to be, let alone what it is.
BLUE
Watchable. A silly gangster movie full of car chases and shoot-outs, with a cameo by fatso Kylie Minogue. Lovely views of Thailand acting as the Bahamas and the actual Bahamas with spectacular marine life.
Walked out. A guy scams money from his step-brother to play bad music with a band and then starts dealing with a mute gangster communicating through clinking a glass. I'm not sure what this movie is trying to be, let alone what it is.
BLUE
Watchable. A silly gangster movie full of car chases and shoot-outs, with a cameo by fatso Kylie Minogue. Lovely views of Thailand acting as the Bahamas and the actual Bahamas with spectacular marine life.
Wednesday 28 October 2009
THE GOODS: LIVE HARD, SELL HARD
Watchable. It isn't funny at all. I only watched on curious what other selling tricks they will come up with.
ONG-BAK: THE BEGINNING
Walked out. The cinematography is shameful: dull colours and whatever is close or far is blurred. The story? A kid is trained in martial arts, then grows up and fights.
MAIN AUR MRS KHANNA
Watchable. Early on it was intriguing: a husband tries to save his career going to Singapore, takes his wife with him to the airport and then... tells her he's flying her to a different destination than his. Later on it's some romantic rubbish with music below high Bollywood standards.
Watchable. It isn't funny at all. I only watched on curious what other selling tricks they will come up with.
ONG-BAK: THE BEGINNING
Walked out. The cinematography is shameful: dull colours and whatever is close or far is blurred. The story? A kid is trained in martial arts, then grows up and fights.
MAIN AUR MRS KHANNA
Watchable. Early on it was intriguing: a husband tries to save his career going to Singapore, takes his wife with him to the airport and then... tells her he's flying her to a different destination than his. Later on it's some romantic rubbish with music below high Bollywood standards.
Sunday 25 October 2009
LOVE HAPPENS
Watchable. A ridiculous title for a film about dealing with grief. I expected a romcom and ended up crying for 2 hours. But at least it felt catharctic after leaving the cinema.
CIRQUE DU FREAK: THE VAMPIRE ASSISTANT
Walked out. Awfully badly acted and with a ludicrous script, e.g. the main protagonist sees a huge arachnid in national colours and is delighted: "She's beautiful". And he's the least freaky character.
FANTASTIC MR. FOX
Walked out. It's that annoying animation where the characters look like dolls and here they also move in a quirky, twitchy way. It's a film noir about antropomorphic foxes in burglers' gang - it is as stupid as it sounds.
THE IMAGINARIUM OF DOCTOR PARNASUS
Walked out. Incoherent, mostly poorly acted, with every character speaking in a different accent, and full of freaks.
SAW VI
Watchable. Part I was a masterpiece, part II watchable, part III equalled part I, part IV was watchable for fans, part V was so bad that even I walked out, part VI is really good. It's slower than over-packed part II, IV and V. It retains the best of Saw scares. The murder motivation is clearly explained and better "justified" than ever. It's below excellent just because part VI is repetitive by definition.
In SAW VII next year it's going to be the young lad killing people. He's really young so may last a few sequels.
Watchable. A ridiculous title for a film about dealing with grief. I expected a romcom and ended up crying for 2 hours. But at least it felt catharctic after leaving the cinema.
CIRQUE DU FREAK: THE VAMPIRE ASSISTANT
Walked out. Awfully badly acted and with a ludicrous script, e.g. the main protagonist sees a huge arachnid in national colours and is delighted: "She's beautiful". And he's the least freaky character.
FANTASTIC MR. FOX
Walked out. It's that annoying animation where the characters look like dolls and here they also move in a quirky, twitchy way. It's a film noir about antropomorphic foxes in burglers' gang - it is as stupid as it sounds.
THE IMAGINARIUM OF DOCTOR PARNASUS
Walked out. Incoherent, mostly poorly acted, with every character speaking in a different accent, and full of freaks.
SAW VI
Watchable. Part I was a masterpiece, part II watchable, part III equalled part I, part IV was watchable for fans, part V was so bad that even I walked out, part VI is really good. It's slower than over-packed part II, IV and V. It retains the best of Saw scares. The murder motivation is clearly explained and better "justified" than ever. It's below excellent just because part VI is repetitive by definition.
In SAW VII next year it's going to be the young lad killing people. He's really young so may last a few sequels.
Wednesday 21 October 2009
COUPLES RETREAT
Watchable. I don't know where they shot it but I want to go there! There's incredibly blue water with colour fish and a pool-side club spinning great music that is open-air and where no one smokes. Never mind the plot is lousy and unfanny, even containing a joke about being marked by sharks for later that I heard in a different film before. Jean Reno of "Le Grand Bleu" fame is aptly cast as the owner of the marine paradise. Now, where's my snorkel?
TRIANGLE
Watchable. The beginning was so boring that I switched off and really started paying attention when they boarded the ghost ship. A great mistake. The subsequent puzzle was so intriguing that I ended up going to another screening to see the beginning once more. The time loop makes it feel lengthy but the mystery stays with you after you leave the cinema.
PASSAGE
Watchable. While it's historically revealing, the film attempts to be too artistic to be a decent documentary. It's incoherent with: casually dressed actors reading roles, the same performers acting in period costumes, an explorer following Ray's footsteps in the Arctic, the same investigator talking to people in Scotland, the crew discussing history, visiting places - all loosely stitched together. Many scenes could do with shortening too.
Watchable. I don't know where they shot it but I want to go there! There's incredibly blue water with colour fish and a pool-side club spinning great music that is open-air and where no one smokes. Never mind the plot is lousy and unfanny, even containing a joke about being marked by sharks for later that I heard in a different film before. Jean Reno of "Le Grand Bleu" fame is aptly cast as the owner of the marine paradise. Now, where's my snorkel?
TRIANGLE
Watchable. The beginning was so boring that I switched off and really started paying attention when they boarded the ghost ship. A great mistake. The subsequent puzzle was so intriguing that I ended up going to another screening to see the beginning once more. The time loop makes it feel lengthy but the mystery stays with you after you leave the cinema.
PASSAGE
Watchable. While it's historically revealing, the film attempts to be too artistic to be a decent documentary. It's incoherent with: casually dressed actors reading roles, the same performers acting in period costumes, an explorer following Ray's footsteps in the Arctic, the same investigator talking to people in Scotland, the crew discussing history, visiting places - all loosely stitched together. Many scenes could do with shortening too.
Wednesday 14 October 2009
BEFORE TOMORROW
Watchable. A powerful and moving story of resilience, set in an exotic environment of the Arctic where any rush decision may result in death. Some scenes, including an underwater one, are beautifully shot. Having said that, it's more of a series of images rather than a coherent story.
The talk preceding the one-off screening at Canada House highlighted that nowadays anyone can make a movie but few can get it distributed. Couldn't agree more. The stunning independent Japanese film "Thunder Fish" was shown at 2008 Raindance Film Festival only because a scheduled film had to be dropped due to its pornographic contents. The makers of the "Thunder Fish" masterpiece struggled to get it distributed even in their own country. Hardly fair taken how many generally released movies are too rubbish to sit through the screening.
Watchable. A powerful and moving story of resilience, set in an exotic environment of the Arctic where any rush decision may result in death. Some scenes, including an underwater one, are beautifully shot. Having said that, it's more of a series of images rather than a coherent story.
The talk preceding the one-off screening at Canada House highlighted that nowadays anyone can make a movie but few can get it distributed. Couldn't agree more. The stunning independent Japanese film "Thunder Fish" was shown at 2008 Raindance Film Festival only because a scheduled film had to be dropped due to its pornographic contents. The makers of the "Thunder Fish" masterpiece struggled to get it distributed even in their own country. Hardly fair taken how many generally released movies are too rubbish to sit through the screening.
Sunday 11 October 2009
UP 3D
Walked out. It's flat - without the 3D glasses it's exactly the same just slightly blurred. It's also really sad: A couple waste their lives away never doing what they have always dreamed about. Then, as an old man, the protagonist injures a contractor while defending his property and gets summoned to court. He runs away to his dream Paradise Falls and faces lots of obstacles on his way. It's just so depressing.
HALLOWEEN 2
Walked out. The killer walks and chops.
Walked out. It's flat - without the 3D glasses it's exactly the same just slightly blurred. It's also really sad: A couple waste their lives away never doing what they have always dreamed about. Then, as an old man, the protagonist injures a contractor while defending his property and gets summoned to court. He runs away to his dream Paradise Falls and faces lots of obstacles on his way. It's just so depressing.
HALLOWEEN 2
Walked out. The killer walks and chops.
Thursday 8 October 2009
PANDORUM
Watchable. There were just a few good scenes:
1. Normally films, even documentaries, show astronauts striding confidently from the spacecraft towards the camera. The reality, as far as I know, is different - they are taken out on stretches as their muscles need to readjust to gravity. Hibernation in movies is also glossed over - they just come to. In "Pandorum" it was impressively more realistic: they shiver, their faces are red, then their bodies cover in sweat, their hair is greasy, they are disoriented and suffer a temporary memory loss.
2. The scene showing a few stories high shelving full of genetic samples needed to colonise a planet.
3. The "historic" account of "the worst catastrophy of space flights" when two flight team members come down with a mental disorder resulting in them believing the spaceship is evil and "evacuating" 5000 passengers sending their hiber beds into the outer space "like flying coffins".
4. The vision of future Earth where the protagonist stands close to the Brandenburger Tor in Berlin with goggles on his face and a turban-like scarf around his head to protect him from the dust of extreme pollution.
5. The 2 views of the alien environment towards the end of the movie.
All the rest should be entitled "Zombies In Space". The mythical reference in "Pandorum" implies more intelligence.
Funnily the next film on my list was
ZOMBIELAND
Watchable. I'm really fed up with the recent zombiemania among movie-makers. How many aggressive corpses dripping of blood and green saliva can you watch? At least it was well acted and funny. Woody Harrelson is better than ever before - a natural born zombie killer. And the jokes are good, e.g. after being mugged by the same two girls in one day: "You are thinking about fucking Wichita?! The two girls have been fucking us the last 24 hours!"
Watchable. There were just a few good scenes:
1. Normally films, even documentaries, show astronauts striding confidently from the spacecraft towards the camera. The reality, as far as I know, is different - they are taken out on stretches as their muscles need to readjust to gravity. Hibernation in movies is also glossed over - they just come to. In "Pandorum" it was impressively more realistic: they shiver, their faces are red, then their bodies cover in sweat, their hair is greasy, they are disoriented and suffer a temporary memory loss.
2. The scene showing a few stories high shelving full of genetic samples needed to colonise a planet.
3. The "historic" account of "the worst catastrophy of space flights" when two flight team members come down with a mental disorder resulting in them believing the spaceship is evil and "evacuating" 5000 passengers sending their hiber beds into the outer space "like flying coffins".
4. The vision of future Earth where the protagonist stands close to the Brandenburger Tor in Berlin with goggles on his face and a turban-like scarf around his head to protect him from the dust of extreme pollution.
5. The 2 views of the alien environment towards the end of the movie.
All the rest should be entitled "Zombies In Space". The mythical reference in "Pandorum" implies more intelligence.
Funnily the next film on my list was
ZOMBIELAND
Watchable. I'm really fed up with the recent zombiemania among movie-makers. How many aggressive corpses dripping of blood and green saliva can you watch? At least it was well acted and funny. Woody Harrelson is better than ever before - a natural born zombie killer. And the jokes are good, e.g. after being mugged by the same two girls in one day: "You are thinking about fucking Wichita?! The two girls have been fucking us the last 24 hours!"
Tuesday 6 October 2009
BUGSY MALONE
Walked out. The film is full of lolitas. How come it's re-released at the time of a supposed crackdown on paedophiles?
DRIVING APHRODITE
Recommended. A feel-good movie. Kept me cheerful and patient with public transport all the way back home from Enfield to Central London. Hilarious too, e.g. a Greek guy asks "How do you call this game: a guy stand in front of people waving his dick?" which turns out to be his poor pronounciation - he meant a conductor waving his stick in front of an orchestra.
Walked out. The film is full of lolitas. How come it's re-released at the time of a supposed crackdown on paedophiles?
DRIVING APHRODITE
Recommended. A feel-good movie. Kept me cheerful and patient with public transport all the way back home from Enfield to Central London. Hilarious too, e.g. a Greek guy asks "How do you call this game: a guy stand in front of people waving his dick?" which turns out to be his poor pronounciation - he meant a conductor waving his stick in front of an orchestra.
Sunday 4 October 2009
TOY STORY 3D
Walked out. The film is flat and the toys talk like boring adults holding meetings on plastic toxicity.
WAKE UP SID
Recommended. A beautiful story about starting an independent life that is sometimes sad, sometimes funny and thoroughly involving. Every viewer either has already or will at some point go through the same so it's easy identify yourself with the characters.
DO KNOT DISTURB
Watchable. This comedy is really silly and often downright stupid but so light-hearted that it is fun. It's not supposed to be treated seriously after all.
THE INVENTION OF LYING
Watchable. An insightful vision of a world where people only tell the truth and never refrain from doing so. But why is it advertised as a comedy? Let me tell you the truth about this movie: it's really sad and pessimistic, whether with or without lies.
Walked out. The film is flat and the toys talk like boring adults holding meetings on plastic toxicity.
WAKE UP SID
Recommended. A beautiful story about starting an independent life that is sometimes sad, sometimes funny and thoroughly involving. Every viewer either has already or will at some point go through the same so it's easy identify yourself with the characters.
DO KNOT DISTURB
Watchable. This comedy is really silly and often downright stupid but so light-hearted that it is fun. It's not supposed to be treated seriously after all.
THE INVENTION OF LYING
Watchable. An insightful vision of a world where people only tell the truth and never refrain from doing so. But why is it advertised as a comedy? Let me tell you the truth about this movie: it's really sad and pessimistic, whether with or without lies.
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