A BUNCH OF AMATEURS

Watchable. A warm-hearted, cheerful story that could be funnier.

INKHEART

Walked out. All fantasy characters look like punks and behave like asbos - hardly a fairy-tale.

RAB NE BANA DI JODI

Watchable. The story is far-fetched and just too romantic but the music is good and I like movies about dancing - it's almost as if I were dancing myself.

WHITE CHRISTMAS

Watchable. Another far-fetched story but the dancing is superb.

A.R.O.G.

Watchable. I don't really get Monty Pythonesque humour but the post-modernist view of parallel history of mankind was captivating.

DEAN SPANLEY

Walked out. About elderly people and for elderly audience only.

THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL

Watchable. Standard science fiction fare. Keanu Reeves is amazing as an alien. The movie unnecessarilly tries to be spiritual at times, without those tedious bits it would be far more gripping.

THE SECRET LIFE OF BEES

Watchable. If it weren't for the absurdly disturbing (first the disfunctional family, then the racist assault) beginning, it would be a magnificent film.

LAKEVIEW TERRACE

Watchable. An interesting storyline, shame many scenes, including the final one, are so naff.

TRANSPORTER 3

Watchable. Much more entertaining than the two previous parts. The fights and chases look great, some lines are really funny (e.g. the owner of a workshop where a few guys have been knocked out: "What am I to do when they wake up?" "It would be good to take the rest of the day off.") but don't expect any logic.

IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE

Watchable. A movie that wouldn't be worth mentioning if it weren't for the last half an hour which is cheesy, life-affirming but with an interesting idea behind: what would other people's lives be without us?

RIVALS (LES LIENS DU SANG)

Watchable. Very 70s-style and it takes half an hour to find out what the main plot actually was but then the film gets much better.

OSMANLI CUMHURIYETI (THE OTTOMAN EMPIRE)

Walked out. Not knowing the genre, I expected an epic historical movie. Instead, "The Ottoman Empire" turned out to be a comedy about an impoverished modern-day sultan of Turkey under American occupation. Sadly, it wasn't funny.

THE CHILDREN

Walked out. All this gore wasn't scary.

BLINDNESS

Watchable. An interesting story with a good suspense. Very depressing though.

CHANGELING

Watchable. 142' long, the first half of which is really monotonous, it gets livelier later and then it gets really good. What kept me watching so long was mostly the motif of the woman fighting against sexist and corrupt authorities. Rang some bells.

MADAGASCAR 2: ESCAPE TO AFRICA

Watchable. Vivid, full of colour animation, good soundtrack, a heart-touching story about coming back home, only the subplot of building and re-building the plane was annoying.

WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

Walked out. A film director's dilemmas after making a flop movie weren't interesting even for me and I worked in the film business in the past myself.

OYE LUCKY, LUCKY OYE

Walked out. Average lives of mediocre people. My own is more interesting, thank you.

YUVRAAJ

Watchable. A beautiful story that takes ages to get started and then another few centuries to develop. Excellent classical music. Bollywood songs get better towards the end.

WALTZ WITH BASHIR

Watchable. Fantastic animation and soundtrack, an interesting storyline. Only frequent long pauses detract from its perfection.

MY BEST FRIEND'S GIRL

Watchable. It's silly and not particularly funny but never boring.


FOUR CHRISTMASES

Watchable. Another silly comedy that isn't funny in the tiniest bit but never bores.

BODY OF LIES

Walked out. Tedious, chaotic, illogical and full of stereotypes.

QUARANTINE

Watchable. A naturalistic remake of also just-watchable Spanish [REC]. I stayed till the end just to compare both versions.

CHOKE

Watchable. All the protagonists are some sort of weirdoes but the main hero's sex addiction kept me interested.

MAX PAYNE

Watchable. Fascinating visually but the storyline is so ambiguous that instead of being mysterious it's just hard to comprehend.

DOSTANA

Watchable. Quite funny, with great beautiful cast but not absolutely hilarious and the music could be better.

ZACK AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO

Watchable. A mediocre comedy.

THE BAADER-MEINHOF COMPLEX

Watchable. It doesn't condemn terrorism, it doesn't glorify it, it just explains it. Still, 150 minutes felt a bit long.

THE WARLORDS

Watchable. Inconspicuous at start, absolutely captivating after the first half an hour till the end.

QUANTUM OF SOLACE

Watchable. The first half an hour isn't very comprehensible (at least for someone who doesnt remember much of "Casino Royale") but the rest makes more sense and is quite entertaining, with the same wry humour used equally sparingly.

W.

Watchable. It's so monotonous that I would have walked out if it weren't for the subject matter. Some good Dubya jokes but you've heard them all before.

PRIDE AND GLORY

Walked out. They play football, swear, carry dead colleagues out of a building, swear, interview a witness, swear... It would be more interesting to watch real life cops. In Britain at least they will have better manners.

SPACE CHIMPS

Walked out. Lousy animation and humour consisting of monkeys constantly bumping off objects. They also talk like: "Release your inner chimp." or "Life is a circus."

SAT SRI AKAL

Watchable. A moving story although full of Sikh propaganda. Music uneven.

EK VIVAAH

Walked out. The film tells about a group practising mediocre folk music so basically you hear the same song over and over again. There's also a romantically-correct love story thrown in.

EMI

Walked out. A socio-economic moralistic film about the danger of taking loans.

EASY VIRTUE

Watchable. The movie is so pretentious that it fails to be funny. But the clash of personalities is interesting.

MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN

Recommended. How this movie came on and off screens unnoticed I don't understand. After several films filled with senseless gore finally one on the par with "Hostel". Every take in this film is a visual and sound masterpiece. The suspense is hardly bearable. I was biting my lips all the time. Based on a short story by Clive Barker (of "Hellraiser" fame) and with, surprisingly, Brooke Shields, in one of the roles, it's a real treat. Dark, stylish, with some good twists of action and, above all, scenes of sheer brutality. A black guy in khaki clothes sitting in the far corner watched me in a creepy way when I was reading the credits (just giving you his description in case I go missing).

GOLMAAL RETURNS

Watchable. It's neither very clever nor very funny but it has some amusing bits in it, e.g. advice for an unfaithful husband: "Behind a successful man there's a woman. Behind an unsuccessful man there are two, three or more." Little music as for Bollywood and it's mostly hip-hop.

FASHION

Recommended. Priyanka Chopra dazzles as ever. I find her to be the most beautiful Bollywood actress and here she proves she can act too. The film follows all the way up and down of a supermodel and while it's full of glamour it never gets naff. Quite a moving story about achieving a dream.

HUNGER

Walked out. Faeces on the wall and prison guards' brutality don't make this film interesting, just disgusting.

SCAR 3D

Watchable. Don't expect blood splashing on you. It's not old 3D, it's Real D - it's like watching 3 dimensions from the real distance of your seat. The movie, marketed as the new "Saw" or "Hostel", is rather a rip-off of "Creep" or "Captivity". The new technology looked interesting, just a curiosity, nothing more.

THE FOX AND THE CHILD

Watchable. It would be a lovely film about nature if it weren't for the annoying narration. While the child in the movie is bearable, it's branded as "a movie for juniors" which results in plenty of smelly kids in the audience.

Can't the parents of small children smell them when they pee on their laps when I can from several meters away!?

General release movies in October:

APPALOOSA

Watchable. The movie is quite dull, enlivened only by sparkling Renee Zellwegger.

THE BOY IN THE STRIPED PYJAMAS

Recommended. An interesting story with a powerful message. Just watch how it developes!

BRIDESHEAD REVISITED

Recommended. I loved the englishness of the serial several years ago but after several episodes I got a bit weary of it. The movie perfectly condensed the story, retained its superb English-feel and is really witty. I saw it twice.

BURN AFTER READING

Watchable. A quirky story on the verge of being funny.

THE CHASER

Watchable. An interesting Korean take on "Silence of the lambs" genre. Plenty of cultural oddities make it stand out but some elements of the plot aren't easily comprehensible.

CITY OF EMBER

Walked out. Filmed in juut one colour pallette, visually resembling French "La Cite des Enfants Perdus", wash-off of Kevin Costner's "The Postman". Not that "The Postman" was any interesting.

DEATH RACE

Watchable. Fast swift action. Nothing new but easily watchable.

DRONA

Walked out. This movie had a huge advertising campaign while normally Bollywood screenings sell out without much promotion which made me cautious. When I went to see it, I immediately understood why: they tried to make it into an English-style musical with fantastic creatures in it and ended up with total kitsch.

EAGLE EYE

Watchable. An intriguing story of a surveillance society, very contemporary but it could do with fewer or shorter chases.

THE FALL

Walked out. Several dull nonsense stories told by a character in the main story.

FLY ME TO THE MOON 3-D

Watchable. The movie could be livelier but it's still cute and the animation enchanting yet feeling cosy.

GHOST TOWN

Watchable. Quite funny.

GOMORRAH

Walked out. Just another mafia movie. Quite dull, with numerous scenes with no relevance to the action.

HELLO

Watchable. An ordinary story about call centre workers with a blatant Indian propaganda ending but the characters are likeable.

THE HOUSE BUNNY

Watchable. The silly protagonist is quite endearing but it could be funnier. "Legally Blonde" it ain't.

HEROES

Walked out. Too much blatant propaganda. Music could be better too.

HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3

Walked out. All the characters are just annoyingly silly and superficial. The musical could do with better music too.

HOW TO LOSE FRIENDS AND ALIENATE PEOPLE

Watchable. Swift, fast action but this comedy could be funnier.

IGOR

Walked out. "Nightmare Before Christmas" - style animation and the story about machines. As interesting as working at a factory production line.

INCENDIARY

Watchable. Little short of greatness. Great acting, powerful story and the survival propaganda isn't straight in your face. Takes a while to get started though.

I'VE LOVED YOU SO LONG (IL Y A LONGTEMPS QUE JE T'AIME)

Recommended. It should get an oscar in the Foreign Film category. It's deliberately slow. Starts good and then only gets better.

KARZ

Watchable. An intriguing story about reincarnation, deceit and revenge. A bit stereotypical Bollywood with just-good music but rewarding with swift action.

KIDNAP

Recommended. A gooD story with good twists of action.

MIRRORS

Walked out. As repetitive as horrors get.

THE MUTANT CHRONICLES

Walked out. Continuous warfare with vampire-like creatures in it, visually dark and blue for some reason.

NIGHTS IN RODANTHE

Walked out. A dull affair of boring middle-aged people.

REDBELT

Walked out. A movie about running a school rather than about karate.

RIGHTEOUS KILL

Watchable. Another movie about killing criminals who escaped justice but not entirely stupid.

ROADSIDE ROMEO

Walked out. A Bollywood movie about metrosexual goons who take pride in their appearance. Someone falls in love like, as usual. And all of it enacted by cartoon characters of dogs.

THE ROCKER

Watchable. A movie about how you achieve success in show business nowadays. Some bits are more disgusting than amusing but the action is fast and the music rocks.

SAW V

Walked out. Will they finally stop flogging the dead horse!? In part one the killer is a genius. Now he turns out to have so many accomplices and copycats that I just couldn't work out the plot.

SUPER AGENT K9

Walked out. This comedy isn't funny at all, it's just plain stupid. Luckily it's Turkish so not many people are tempted to see it anyway.

SWING VOTE

Watchable. Kevin Costner seems to stick to propaganda movies. This one is surprisingly good, unfortunately stereotypical anyway.

TAKEN

Watchable. Quite a clever movie about a father rescuing a kidnapped daughter. Not very stereotypical.

THEN SHE FOUND ME

Walked out. Too much daily life and the affair of ugly middle-aged people didn't keep me hooked.

TROPIC THUNDER

Walked out. An overtalked comedy that could be funnier.

THE WAVE

Watchable. An interesting story that tries to be thought-provoking but is not.

Having seen everything, I had to take a break from cinema waiting for new releases. Tomorrow I'm back at the cinema. Yabbadabbadoo!

and the remaining festival reviews:

HABER

Watchable. The way the movie was filmed seems a bit too theatrical and too little cinematic but the story is interesting and the final message stays in memory.

LITTLE ASHES

Watchable. The movie is a bit too nostalgic and sentimental. The makers seem to have believed the lives of celebrities would sell themselves per se. Still, it tells a story of a little known aspect of Dali's and Lorca's lives.

NO THROUGH ROAD

Watchable. A thriller with good suspense but with too much standard movie violence at the end.

ONE DAY REMOVALS

Watchable. This movie also looks a bit too theatrical rather than cinematic and has some lengthy bits between the absolutely hilarious gags and some good lines. As a comedy great, just looks a bit amateurish - that's the only problem. Still, I'm really happy to have got the DVD after the screening.

THE RIND (LA CASCARA)

Watchable. The story is quite weird and about nothing in fact but the mystery keeps you watching.

RUNNING WITH MUM

Watchable. Too many silly interviews in this doc but you hear unknown facts about the war and when you focus on the info you can easily imagine the events as if you were there.

SENSELESS

Watchable. The story about a captured and tortured man keeps you in suspense throughout and has one good twist but again, feels like another "Hostel" wash-off.

TURTLES ARE SURPRISINGLY FAST SWIMMERS

Watchable. This comedy is constantly on the verge of being funny.

WHO IS K K DOWNEY?

Walked out. The movie is about total weirdos. It was really hard to identify myself with any of the characters.

RAINDANCE FILM FESTIVAL 2008 full-length films continued:

GARDENS OF THE NIGHT

Watchable. A well-researched realistic feature film showing how sex trafficking children works. They just show the psychologic techniques used by the pimps which is very enlightening. Still, the film doesn't feel powerful.

GUNNIN' FOR THAT NO. 1 SPOT

Watchable. It's not very interesting if you aren't a basketball fan but is the players' life stories are shown in a warm, cosy way.

RAINDANCE FILM FESTIVAL 2008

This year's festival films were much better than last year. In 2007 I walked out or hardly tolerated most. This year the majority of movies were really good. The annoying element this year was the organisation: plenty of screenings were seriously delayed, sometimes more than one hour and many popular movies sold out simply due to the fact they were shown in a small screen, while the big one wasn't very crowded.

Events:

ANATOMY OF A REEL
Mark Tonderei talked about filming "Hush" - a British thriller which has sold to 25 territories already and which will be released here in the UK in March 2009. Hopefully the presentation was comprehensible to other movie makers. To me it wasn't.

DISSECTING DISTRIBUTION
Stacey Parks provided a thorough, insightful, honest, producer-oriented breakdown on how marketing, distribution and sales of film rights work. It covered all the media and most important markets. The presentation was very audience-friendly.

Short films:

THE BENT PENNY
A well-made 16-minute triple story about our attitude to a penny: its value & superstition. A lot of meaning skillfully squeezed into a short - a little pearl. Still, overacting detracts from its quality.

DIRECTIONS
15 minutes about what you can possibly do with a shopping trolley. I don't know why anyone would find the topic interesting but Greg Muller's acting make it perfectly watchable.

HOURGLASS
An 8-minute mystery story about time and fate. Amazing scenography. Perfectly watchable.

KARAOKE
A 16-minute story about looking for a job, human interactions and purpose in life. The story isn't very inspiring but Renate Serwotke's well-tuned acting makes it perfectly watchable.

LITTLE WHISPERS
A 10-minute fairy-tale about passing away. Another well-made short.

L'ENFANT PERDUE (THE LOST CHILD)
Very anxious-looking director Josephine Mackerras made an 18-minute overlong story about coping with loss and forgiveness full of hysterical overacting and emotional turmoil. Scenography hardly existent. I didn't walk out just because it felt awkward not to stay till the end of a shortie.

THE MILKY AUDITION
An 8-minute Japanese film which probably made sense only to Japanese audience. Lots of nudity, not that the fattish girls were any pretty.

Full length films:

CETVRTI COVEK (THE 4TH MAN)
Watchable. An interesting Serbian spy movie. Seems more realistic than Bond or Bourne - the spies aren't good-looking. Has a cosy East-European feel (a butcher offers to pack someone sausages for the way as a hospitality gesture).

9TO5 - DAYS IN PORN
Watchable. A well-made documentary about porn industry. Presenter's: "no one has it, no one buys it, no one watches it but they make more money than the movie industry" sums it up well. Who is pervert: those who fuck 8 hours a day making $ 1000-2000 daily or those who fuel the demand for such jobs at all?

ACOLYTES
Watchable. An Australian thriller that promises more than it delivers.

THE BIRTHDAY
Walked out. The movie aspires to mimick Lynch but results in heaps of rubbish. The lead actor (Corey Feldman) has an annoying asthmatic voice.

THE BLUE TOWER
Walked out. A British movie about the Indian community aspiring to become second "Brick Lane" - not that that film was much better.

THE END
Watchable. A documentary about London's East End gangsters. Interesting to see how the area evolved over the years and became less and less English and more and more Bangladeshi/Indian/Pakistani. Other than that the story about the director's father and his accomplices is too personal for outsiders.

FINE, TOTALLY FINE
Recommended. A Japanese comedy about a very accident-prone girl and other misfits. Rarely do you laugh so much at the cinema.

FUGITIVE PIECES
Watchable. A poetic Canadian reflection on emigration, national identity and relationships. Very thought-provoking, to the point where, somehow parallel to the movie, it led me to reflect on one considerable difference between life in my native Poland and my adopted Britain:

In Poland we normally cook and often grow our own food while in Britain hardly anyone bothers even cooking. The British must feel really secure on their island. The second world war didn't affect them much, they don't have existential concerns, they are oriented at their own comfort and convenience. In Poland growing fruit and veg on your own allotment is kind of a national obsession. I think it's subconsious. This is how you survive the war. This is how my parents came into being. My father's first five years of life were during the war, in a small village. Soldiers didn't bother them much. They would come round and ask for milk or eggs which the villagers would give freely to Poles and to Germans all the same. Only Ukrainians were seen as menace - you had to run and hide in the woods. When my grandma got pregnant with my mum she left Warsaw. It was safer to carry the baby and give birth in the country. Also, when you grow your own food, you are independent of the market and you don't get affected by famine in case of war or a crisis. Growing and cooking your own food as well as reparing stuff is a matter of staying physically and mentally fit in times of peace and a matter of survival during a war.
It also led me to a generalisation on cultural differences in the mostly-white parts of the world - in America people look to the future (oriented at achieving success), in Western Europe people live at present (oriented at having fun right now) while in Eastern Europe people constantly refer to the past (burden of history).

More festival and general release movies later this week.